I have this girl in my class who is my “best friend” or so she thinks, but she literally copies EVERYTHING I do!  I’ll get up to go for a drink and she gets up at the exact same time. It's really starting to bug me.

I'm shy, so it is hard for me to make new friends but she is even shyer and NEVER starts a conversation or contributes to it much. She hardly ever smiles or laughs but I'm one of her only friends so I can’t just ditch her. I would feel so bad!

I feel like I'm going to explode inside! I dread going to school to see her because her copy-cat ways are so annoying. What can I do to stop myself from going crazy?

Well, on the bright side, she wants to be like you! That’s pretty flattering, isn’t it?! But, I know how irritating this can be. It’s no fun to have a Siamese twin especially when you don’t want one. But don’t worry, girlie! We can fix this sitch.

First, help your “twin” out by bumping up her self-confidence. Chat with her about how great of a girl she is, and about how much she has to offer to (potentially new) friends. Encourage her to not be shy! Point out her strengths, especially things that she’s awesome at and you’re not. Do you have a hard time with math homework? Next time she gets a gold star on her fractions says, “Wow! You’re a math genius! I’m so jealous!” Once she is confident enough (thanks to your amazing help!) to start conversations and contribute to them, she’ll feel strong enough to be on her own and not follow so closely in all of your footsteps.

Once she trusts your advice and seems more confident, chat with her about how her actions make you feel uncomfortable (annoyed might not be the right word!). Encourage her to be her own person, and tell her that you’d rather be friends with HER for the great, smart, amazing girl she is…instead of a copy of yourself!

And how to keep yourself from going crazy!? Look at the situation in a different way: she needs a lot of confidence and self-esteem help, and (since she obviously looks up to you so much) you’re the perfect girl to do it! Copying really is the highest form of flattery. Take it on as a challenge—it’s your opportunity to help her AND yourself!

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8/5/2009 7:00:00 AM