Tough Stuff

Hurting Myself, And Missing My Friends...

Two of my friends died recently, one from leukemia and the other from a heart condition. Just 10 months ago, I quit hurting myself – not just because I had to, but because I had made a promise to my friend who died from leukemia.

But all of the sudden I'm really tempted to start again. I don't want to, but there are so many things and reasons and times I could do it. Not only that, but my girlfriends are all quite gossipy and wouldn't think twice about telling anyone. Help me, please?

Hey girl,

I am truly sorry to hear about your friends and it must be so hard to deal with the pain you're feeling. When times get tough, it's easy to feel alone and to question why things happen.  However, always remember that all of us have a purpose in life, which gives us a reason to live each and everyday.

In order to realize this and to help you get through these hard times, you have to talk to an adult you trust, whether it's a parent, teacher, or other family member. They are the ones who know you the best and will know how to lift your spirits little by little. Not only that, but many adults have also been through the death of loved ones and will be able to relate to you and understand what you're going through.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to an adult around you, try turning to support programs that truly know how to handle these kinds of situations. When you're in the need to talk to someone, they will be there to listen and might even introduce you to other teenagers who have had similar experiences.

Everything that you tell an adult or someone at a support group remains confidential, unlike the gossipy girls at school. If you think that your girlfriends will tell other people about your situation, they might not be the ones you should rely on.

Other than talking your pain out, you should also channel your sadness in other ways. Although you should never forget your friends, you don't want to simply let their death pull you away from living your life to the fullest. If it helps, you can always try to revisit places and do the things that you did with your friends to cherish and remember the times you spent with them so that you don't feel alone.

The last thing you have to do is to constantly remind yourself of the promise you made to your friend. You want to honor your friend's wish that you won't hurt yourself, and live your life with  no regrets. And remember, that your friends will be watching over you wherever you go.

-Jeannie L.

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5/26/2009 7:00:00 AM