LIFE

Dear Carol

"Dear Carol, My parents kept a huge secret from me"

Dear Carol,

Last year, I found out that my grandma had cancer. Luckily, it was treated and she is cancer-free now, but we are very close and she has been my only living grandparent my whole life. My problem is that my parents (specifically my mom) knew for a whole month and never told me until right before her surgery. She said they didn’t because they thought I couldn’t keep a secret and they were trying to protect my annoyingly sensitive brother. Even though it’s really good that the early detection and surgery prevented things from being worse, I still can’t help but be mad at my mom. I could tell that something was off, but whenever I asked, they said it was “nothing,” or my mom said she was taking my grandma to a checkup and not an oncology appointment. I just think they should’ve given me the news sooner. I feel nervous and out-of-control because I’m scared that if something like this happens again (and I hope it won’t), I will be left in the dark.

- IDK

Dear IDK,

Yay that your grandmother is doing well! That is the wonderful, headline news. Your mom wanted to protect you from worrying, but it backfired because you’re now worrying about what else you might not know. Solution? Talk to your mom. Or show her this column. Tell her that you agree that your brother might be too young to be in the know, but you might have wanted the opportunity to send your grandma a card or text or to call or FaceTime—all things you can do right this minute, by the way (she’d love it). Rather than be mad at your family, be mad at the cancer and happy for modern medicine. And please don’t say, “Mom, how could you not tell me?” Say, “Mom, that must’ve been so scary for you. If something like this happens again, please let me in on it. Maybe I can help. I won’t tell my brother, but I also don’t want to have to worry that something bad could be happening and I’d be in the dark.”

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Ava and Pip and Speed of Life, a novel about a 14-year-old girl who writes to an advice columnist. Carol's audiobooks are on Spotify. More at carolweston.com and on Instagram @carolwestonnyc.

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POSTED IN LIFE, Dear Carol