LIFE

I was a freshman high school when I met Brad*, who was a junior at the time. We met during rehearsals for our school’s spring musical that year and, I’ll admit, I had the biggest crush on him. He was super talented, older, and seemed so nice. Nothing ever happened that year, mostly because he considered me too young, childish, and inexperienced for him (the fact that he said that was a red flag I should’ve noticed early on and didn’t).

It wasn’t until about a year later, during the spring musical of my sophomore year, that we even started talking again. We’d exchange texts, meet after school to hang out before rehearsals started, and talk on the phone before we went to bed. Even though we were never technically a couple, I was so excited. Finally, the boy I had crushed on for so long finally had a thing for me. 

Except, he wasn’t exactly the knight in shining armor I expected him to be. While I told my friends about this fling between Brad and me, he refused to tell any of his friends about our relationship. He tried to keep all of it a secret and acted as if I was invisible whenever someone else was around. He even blamed me for things I had no control over. 

Once, he yelled at me because somehow, it was my fault that he had feelings for me and not another girl. His putdowns had even started to influence me in ways I didn’t even realize. I started to agree with him, thinking I was as guilty and stupid as he told me I was. I remained oblivious, thinking that I had finally found the right guy who I was lucky to have found. 

It wasn’t until later that spring that I realized something was truly wrong with this relationship. One night, I had told Brad that I was happy because it seemed like we’d finally be together. I expected him to agree with me, but instead, he yelled at me. He told me I had no reason to be happy. He said I was never important to him and that he was just using me. After that, he didn’t speak to me for a week. I was absolutely crushed; I cried night after night and tried desperately to get back in contact with him. 

It was my friends who helped me realize I needed to get out. They reminded me of what a jerk Brad had always been and with a little tough love, I began to see the light. They even set me up with a prom date to make sure Brad didn’t ask me and pull me back into our unhealthy relationship. 

It took me a long time to really realize the severity of what I had experienced. It wasn’t until college that I began to research abuse and realized, in some ways, I had been a victim. I know now there are a lot of warning signs I should have noticed but never did. And today, I understand the difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one.

I learned the red flags an unhealthy relationship the hard way. Here are a few signs your partner might be emotionally abusive...

-Blames all arguments or problems on you.

-Is physically rough with you.

-Takes your money or takes advantage of you in other ways.

-Tells you to shut up or tells you you’re dumb, stupid, fat or calls you some other name (directly or indirectly).

If you’re concerned about the state of your or a friend’s relationship, check out www.thehotline.org or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE if you or a friend need immediate help.

*Please note names have been changed for privacy reasons

by Mallory Walker | 2/1/2016