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Lonely in a long-distance relationship
I have terrible separation issues with my boyfriend. I am always terrified he is going to leave me. I know he loves me and I am hopelessly in love with him. I don’t know why I feel this way! Every night when he decides to go to bed and hang up the phone, I cry endlessly.
Every second I am not talking to him, I feel dead. He is generally the only person I ever talk to, so when he isn’t around I feel lonely. The worst part is, this is a long distance relationship. He lives about 300 miles away from me and it kills me. I never get to see him, except for on a webcam and in pictures. I can only talk to him on the phone, through text and IM.
It has been really bothering me lately that I can’t hug him, kiss him, or cuddle him like most couples do. I think he has been getting really frustrated with my clinginess and hopelessness towards him but I feel as if it is out of my control and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am truly terrified of losing him. Help please.
--Hopelessly & Pathetically Clingy
First, take a deep breath. Young love can be difficult, even if it’s not a long distance relationship. You’re not the only gal who feels terrified that her BF might leave her. When you aren’t constantly around your boyfriend and he’s not there to give you a hug and reassure you that he loves you, it can get really hard. However, all this constant worrying isn't healthy for him, you or a relationship.
Your guy wouldn’t spend so much time talking to you on webcam and the phone if he wasn’t in love with you. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are difficult and a lot of guys wouldn’t even bother, so the fact that your dude is committed to making it work with you despite the distance means he’s a keeper. Every time you start doubting your relationship, think about that.
You might feel more secure if you both do something and make it a habit. Have date night on Fridays where you watch the same movie (you could even do this on webcam) and then talk about it after. Or promise to send each other a letter every Saturday. These kinds of things let both of you know that you are still in love with each other.
You said you only really talk to your boyfriend. People in healthy relationships are often devoted to their loved one, but they make time to do what they love without their significant other, too. Whether your thing is painting, shopping or reading, find something to do when you start to feel lonely. It will get your mind off of your feelings and actually make you happier and more secure.
Meeting new people is a great way to feel more social and connected. You will be able to tell your BF all about the cool people you’ve met and the new experiences you're having. I’m sure he would love to see and hear you seem more excited and happy about stuff!
Healthy relationships are all about a balance. Hanging out with friends, having a hobby and talking to your guy should all be parts of your daily life. LDR’s are hard to maintain and take a lot of work, but if your BF is talking to you on a regularly and you guys are having fun, try to relax and enjoy your relationship!
Xoxo,
Liz
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POSTED IN boyfriend Q & A, dealing with a breakup
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