LIFE

Dear Carol,

I think my friend has an addiction to anime. She will go home and watch it for hours. She will come into school with bags under her eyes and be super tired, and all she wants to talk about is anime. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. She basically has no emotions and no personality, but I don’t want to be rude. How am I supposed to say: “I don’t want to be friends. You’re addicted to anime, and it’s kind of weird.” It sounds so mean, but I honestly don’t know what else to do.

- Addicted To Anime

Dear Addicted To Anime,

This girl may need help, but that doesn’t mean you have to save her—or could even if you wanted to. Since you’re writing me, and she isn’t, let me address your question: I don’t blame you for wanting to pull back (and friendships change a lot at this stage anyway). In general, I don’t believe in announcing to someone that you don’t want to be friends. You usually can get the message across more gently just by making fewer plans, replying less quickly and being less available. In this case, consider saying, “Hey, I’m a little concerned. Are you getting enough sleep? You always seem tired.” Or with a light touch, “I don’t want to talk about anime, and I miss when we used to talk about other things.” Can you engage her on a different subject? Music? Books? Last night’s game? Hang out with new people, but I hope you won’t be mean to her or gossip about her. It sounds like she could use real friends, even if she’s not going about it the right way.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Ava and Pip and Speed of Life, which is a novel about a 14-year-old girl who writes to an advice columnist. Check out carolweston.com and follow her on Instagram @carolwestonnyc.

Want friendship advice? Check out more Dear Carol here:
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by GL | 9/10/2024