CRUSHES

Dating websites have existed for decades, but the idea of flirting on social media is still somewhat new. Gen-Z is really the first generation whose coming of age is supplemented by the backdrop of the digital world. It's totally possible to use these digital tools to our benefit in the IRL. Here are some key tips and tricks for an effective online "talking stage."

1. Be confident

When it comes to online flirting, being sure of yourself is so important. When you flirt with confidence, you show your crush that you're interested without making them feel like you're obsessed with them. Don't be afraid to text first, or even double text if you feel like it. It's simply immature to think that little things like a double text are a big deal, so do whatever you want. If your crush is put off by you using too many words on a Snapchat, they're not worth your time. So, don't waste your time. Start a conversation, because why not? Be spontaneous and have fun with it. 

2. ...But don't come on too strong

While confidence is everything, it's important to stay in that realm and not the realm of obsession. There is absolutely nothing wrong with texting first every once in a while, but if you find that your conversations with your crush don't happen unless you initiate them, take a step back. Ask yourself, would anything even happen between you two if *you* didn't take the first step every time? It's a hard question to contemplate, but it's important to in order to preserve your dignity throughout a talking stage. If someone's sending you a hint, take it, even if it's a bit hard to. 

3. Circle it back to the IRL

The million-dollar question: What do we even talk about? Being open to initiating a conversation is the first step, but it can be hard to actually follow through when you don't know what to say. It always helps to refer back to in-person conversations. For example, asking about homework is a classic move in sparking up talk if your crush is from school. However, maybe you haven't really spoken to your crush IRL before. If you really have nothing to refer back to, just say something random. Seriously, it's not that deep, and there's always something to talk about. Ask them what they're doing this summer. Send them a picture of your pet. Ask them about their hobbies. Give them a compliment. There are a million topics you could start talking about. There's no shame in being random and having fun with it.

4. Don't play games, but do think strategically

I am not one to advocate for leaving your crush on delivered for hours, the sole purpose of that being that you don't want to *look* desperate. This is a myth. Genuinely, nobody cares when you open a Snapchat or when you respond to a DM. Don't break your back over trying to appear hard to get. If you're interested in someone, show it by setting the tone. Allow them to match your energy. On the other hand, waiting to respond can be beneficial in keeping conversations fresh and helping them last longer. Also, if you're not sure how to respond, take some time to think about it. You never have to respond instantly, and it's always better to craft a response well over time than to respond quickly with something that kills the convo. 

5. Step outside of your comfort zone

It's impossible to get anywhere with your online flirting if you don't do something risky every once in a while. Is it going well with your crush? Why not tell them you're into them? It may be scary, but if you're both feeling each other's vibe, you should definitely be forward. If everything you're saying is something you're completely and totally 100% comfortable with, you're doing it wrong. Have fun with it. Take in the new experiences. 

6. Always pay attention to what makes you uncomfortable

With that being said, always think twice before you hit send. Stepping out of your comfort zone means absorbing new experiences that are fun for you. It *doesn't* correlate to doing things that make you feel negative. If the person you're talking to asks you for something that makes you feel weird, honor your feelings. If you're under 18, don't ever send pictures of yourself that you wouldn't want anyone else seeing. The thing about social media is that even if it feels private, it's really not. Anyone can screenshot anything, and anything can spread. Don't let anyone ever pressure you into sending something that you don't want to send. Always be alert in the digital space. 

7. Be nonchalant

Don't try too hard. Or, don't look like you're trying too hard. When you send a selfie on Snapchat, find the angle that *you* like the best. Don't try to look a certain way for someone else. If you act in accordance with what makes you feel beautiful and confident, you will always stay true to yourself. Don't ever make your crush think that you're obsessed with them, even if you are. Show your interest, but don't fuel their ego.

8. "This reminds me of you"

A classic, cute and subtle way to flirt online is by sending memes, TikToks or any other post to your crush. Letting them know that something reminds you of them shows that you're thinking of them and is guaranteed to put a smile on their face. 

9. Keep your high energy

Lots of people have the tendency to match someone else's low energy. Even if they aren't matching your flirtiness, you don't have to stoop lower to meet them. Just take a step back, and maybe devote less time to them. As cheesy as it sounds, you can't let someone dull your sparkle just because you have a crush on them. Set the tone how *you* want it to be set, not how you think they want you to behave. It's your crush. It's about you. Do what you want.

10. Be yourself

Most importantly, don't try to be someone else. Let your humor, your interests, your excitement and all of the other amazing aspects of your personality shine through. Craft your responses so that they're true to yourself and how you talk in real life. If you're not being yourself, what's the point? Creating a connection with someone based on a version of you that doesn't exist outside of your phone is a big no-no. Your online conversations are an extension of the real world. Be true to yourself, always. 

What tips do you have for online flirting? Let us know on Twitter @girslifemag!

More crush content right this way...
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Top image: @lilia

by Ari Sheinberg | 3/10/2024