TRENDING

 

Caitlyn Jenner is the athlete and public figure formerly known as Bruce Jenner, aka Kendall and Kylie Jenner's parent. After announcing earlier this year that she is transgender and would begin her transition to living life as a woman, Caitlyn has finally debuted her true self to the public. All across the internet, celebs and fans have been showering her with congratulations, and even President Barack Obama tweeted to celebrate with Caitlyn. 

This news? It's huge. This is one of the first instances of a famous transgender individual transitioning after already being in the public eye. Caitlyn's transition is even more notable for the fact that, not only is she a gold-winning Olympic athlete, she was also held up as an iconic male figure thanks to her athletic achievements. It takes serious bravery to transition when everyone in your life knows you one way, and just as much to do it front of the whole world.

In case you still need some background, here are the facts. When a person is transgender, it means they identify with a gender different from the sex they were assigned at birth. Though Caitlyn Jenner was assigned male at birth, she identifies as a woman. Transitioning is when a transgender individual begins to live as their true gender rather than the gender typically associated with their biological sex. Though Bruce Jenner lived outwardly as a man, she has now transitioned to living as a Caitlyn, a woman and the true self she has always been on the inside. Purposefully referring to Caitlyn, or any other transgender person, by their former name or former pronouns (he/him/his in Caitlyn's case, who now uses she/her/hers) is not only rude, it's also a hateful, violent act.

Completing her transition at the age of 65, Caitlyn is an awesome example that transgender people come in all shapes, sizes and ages, and there is no wrong point in someone's life for them to identify and begin their lives as their true self. While the issues surrounding being transgender maybe hard to understand for some, what isn't at issue is that all people deserve to be treated with compassion and empathy. That's exactly why GL ran this piece last August/September. Meet Zoey, a young transgender girl.

The Truth About Zoey

by Zoey, 13, as told to Patricia McNamara

Zoey is like most 13-year-old girls. She hearts dogs, adores anything pink, has dreams of being an actress and is a pro with her makeup brush. But there’s one thing she’s done in her life that many girls her age can’t easily comprehend. That is, until now. Here’s her empowering story of embracing her true self—and how you, too, can stand up for what you believe in this year.

I’ll never forget the day I stepped onto the school bus wearing my pink capris, a sparkly shirt and my Hello Kitty shoes. With butterflies in my stomach, I nervously walked to my seat. I could feel every single set of eyes on that bus staring at me, taking in my over-the-top bright and girly outfit that my mom helped me pick out.

As I sat down, the girl next to me told me she really liked my shoes. In that instant, it’s like my heart filled with total happiness. I smiled and took a deep breath as a sense of relief washed over me. Finally, I felt like me.

It was by far the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Why? Because the gender assigned to me when I was born was that of a boy.

I’ve always known that I was a girl, even from the time I was a tiny toddler. While most boys were outside playing in the dirt or with their Hot Wheels, I enjoyed Barbies and dressing up like a princess at playtime.

Boys in my day care would make fun of me and my teachers would confiscate my stuff. They didn’t understand why I wanted to play with girl toys. I’d get upset because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t have things like my Daphne doll when other girls could. But back then, I was shy and quiet so I didn’t really say anything.

When I told my mom that I felt like I was a girl, not a boy, she was very accepting. She never saw it as, “You’re a boy, so that means you have to be one throughout your whole life.” She was actually more concerned with me not having too much stress or drama in my life. Around the fourth grade, I felt like I was ready to start transitioning into really becoming a girl. 

A Tough Transition

I had gone to counseling, mainly at the suggestion of my day care teacher because of what she called my “unusual” behavior. But it wasn’t until I started making the transition to being a girl that I really learned what I was.

I remember asking my therapist, “What would I call myself? I want to be a girl, but I like boys.” She said that I am transgender. A transgender person is someone whose sex at birth is different from who they know they are on the inside.

But just because I learned what I was didn’t mean life was any easier. It’s hard to explain, but I guess you could say my transition into being Zoey (the confident girl I am now) was gradual.

By the end of fourth grade, I started wearing makeup—and got bullied for it. But not just from my classmates. A lot of the discrimination actually came from my teachers.

One teacher in particular called me disgusting because I’d wear mascara. I laughed once, and he made me write a pledge that I’d never laugh as loud as I did in his class. It was really hard because I couldn’t put my hair a certain way, I couldn’t dress a certain way. I’d get in trouble and get sent to the principal’s office.

All of this made me really sad, to the point where I didn’t even want to make eye contact with anyone in class. I was annoyed and irritated because I kept questioning why I had to go through such things. Nobody should treat someone that way.

Things got so bad my mom decided to contact the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) to help fight for my opportunity to be myself in school. They wrote letters to the U.S. Department of Education, and we had to have meetings with the school board.

Having my family’s unwavering support through this meant a lot, and it gave me the confidence and strength I needed to get through my days. I had no excuse to say nobody loved me for who I was because they definitely did. They still do! 

The Big Reveal

My family also supported me when I chose to start dressing like a girl. My brother told me, “You already have the clothes and stuff. It’s who you are, so why not put it all out there at once?”

So I did. And when I left the house dressed in my favorite pink and girly gear, I had no idea what to expect. It turns out that a lot of kids were pretty accepting. They told me that I finally looked like myself and that it all made sense. Their compliments and understanding made me so happy.

Sure, other people still made fun of me. They wouldn’t address me as “she” or “her” and would call me stupid names instead of Zoey. Others said they had to ask their moms if they could still talk to me because of their religion. That hurt.

I switched to a new school in the same school district—I thought it would be a fresh start. But when yearbooks started coming out showing my old self and people began asking questions about whether that boy in the picture was me, I couldn’t handle it. I made up a lie and said it was my cousin. Looking back, it’s my biggest regret because I was basically lying about who I was.

The fib kept growing, and I started telling people that my “cousin” had committed suicide. The scary thing was, I started believing the lies I created. I didn’t want to come out to my peers because I wanted to just continue being myself. But the constant giggles and whispers about whether or not I was a boy or girl left me with no choice but to tell all my peers, in seventh grade, that I’m trans. And if they had any questions? They could ask me. It was kind of like the key that unlocked the door because everyone already knew, but I finally said it. 

Standing Tall

Having the love from my family and my friends has helped make those major moments—like coming out to my peers—so much less scary. And I have gained a lot of confidence because of their support. I used to feel like I was trapped, living in someone else’s body. I was trying to live up to this pressure of this ideal way a kid should be. And you know what? No one should ever feel like they have to live like that.

Once I was able to break free of those feelings and truly understand that there will always be people in life who will accept you—and others who won’t—I didn’t worry as much about other people’s opinions anymore.

My mom always says, “Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t do what you have to do or be who you have to be.” I know I have the right to be who I am—and so do you. 

A New Normal

Don’t get me wrong: Things will never be totally easy for me. There will always be ignorant people out there who don’t accept who I am. Like last year, when some kids wrote things like, “Zoey is a [b word]” and “#ZoeyIsAGay” on a car outside of my school. That stuff would have crushed me when I was younger, but now I don’t pay attention to the haters because it just gets in the way.

Instead, I focus on the more important things in life. I’m looking forward to eighth grade, then going to high school, then studying drama in college. Basically, I want to have a life that’s normal, exciting and full of possibilities all at the same time. 

Pushing Forward

Of course, it’s not always easy standing up for what you believe in. Especially if it means you have to go up against bullies or you may even get in trouble for it. But you can do it. How? First of all, think of yourself as a survivor, not a victim. Because if you get into a victim’s mindset, you’ll let people walk all over you. But if you call yourself a survivor, you’re still fighting and carrying on who you are.

Someone once told me, “The road is bumpy before it gets clear.” And when I think about it, it’s really true. Back in the beginning of fifth grade, I thought my road was clear. But looking back, it was actually really bumpy, almost like an earthquake. Now, I feel like I can walk easily—and proud.

THE REAL DEAL

Gender dysphoria (the term doctors use to describe someone who expresses and experiences life in a gender different than the one they were born with) is thought to affect less than 1 percent of people. But transgender students experience some of the highest rates of bullying and harassment.

In a recent report by The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, based on a survey of nearly 300 trans students, 90 percent said they’ve heard derogatory remarks in school, 89 percent said they’ve been called names or threatened in school because of their sexual orientation and 53 percent said they’ve experienced physical harassment, like being pushed or shoved in school, because of their gender expression. As a result, trans teens report higher rates of depression and suicidal thoughts.

If you or a friend are struggling with gender identity issues, reach out to the Transgender Law Center (transgenderlawcenter.org). And if you or someone you know is experiencing bullying due to sexual or gender identity issues, contact the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

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Photo credit to: Vanity Fair

by Chelsea Duff | 2/1/2016