LIFE

"What does happiness mean to you?" If you'd asked me that question a couple of months ago, my answer would've come easily: acing a test, perfecting my tennis serve or seeing a bunch of friends reply to my Instagram story. 

But, of course, like any other high school senior, I'm pretty much constantly stressed. And for every high-key happy moment, there's a time when I get a B on an exam I studied hard for, lose a tennis match or stare at social media feeling insecure.

Then one night, I was scrolling (as usual) and came across an online course for teens from Yale University called The Science of Well-Being, taught by psychology expert Dr. Laurie Santos. The title instantly captivated me. And heck, it was free. So I decided to give it a shot. Because why not?

For the next six weeks, I watched short videos, filled out mini quizzes and tried to fully immerse myself in the happiness homework. And, at the end, what did I get out of it? The short answer is...a lot.

I present to you my how-to-be-happy study guide. But be warned: To ace *this* class, you're going to have to commit.

Lesson #1: Happiness is health 

I really enjoyed the routine I fell into while taking the happiness class. I'd finish my homework, grab a snack and settle in to watch my daily five-minute lesson video. It felt like a reward—and became something I looked forward to every day. 

Turns out, it really is the little things that can produce contentment. Dr. Santos talked about how much our habits are essential to creating the foundations for happiness. This means getting good sleep, moving your body, connecting with friends in person and doing anything that helps you lose track of time (in a good way).

Your assignment: 

Do one thing each day that is simply about putting your well-being first. For me, that means cutting an hour out of my study time to go to bed earlier for a week, deciding to spend a Saturday scrapbooking instead of at a fun (but draining) party or taking a moment away from tennis practice to laugh with a teammate during warm-up. These tiny habits put you in the best position to be successful, healthy and all-around happy.

Lesson #2: Spread good energy 

Each week, I had "happiness homework," with assignments like performing acts of kindness. Throughout the week, I'd find ways to improve people's lives such as complimenting a classmate's outfit, holding the door for a teacher carrying laptops or reaching out to an old friend.

Of course, I got a lot of positive reactions back from people. But no matter the response, I just felt genuinely good when I did something nice. It made me want to do some extra credit (aka even more acts of kindness beyond the week) *and* helped me notice all the thoughtful things other people do for me, too.

Your assignment: 

Do an act of kindness every day for a week. It can be random (offering to help your sis fold her laundry when she's swamped with school) or something you plan (volunteering at a charity event). Grab your journal and jot down how you feel each day. Then, note one act of kindness someone did for you. See? Those good vibes really do add up.

Lesson #3: Prioritize what boosts your mood right now

One concept Dr. Santos taught centered on "affective forecasting," or predicting what will make you happy in the future. And believe it or not, people often make mistakes when it comes to forecasting their own happiness.

An example? Telling yourself that you'll be happy if you get that A/get into your dream college/get that perfect internship. But in the meantime, you're canceling your favorite online yoga class or missing out on movie night with your family so you can study. Is it worth it? Sure, you'll get a rush when you see that A on your paper. But for the long term, studies show that it's your overall happiness in high school, and not your GPA, that contributes to your success later on.

Your assignment: 

Write down anything you're doing now to benefit you down the road, like that AP class you hate or the club you've lost interest in. Then, make a list of the things you do throughout the week that *do* make you happy, from enjoyable-but-challenging commitments (like a sport you love) to little things (like watching your fave sitcom before bed). Can you drop anything on the first list? Does that give you time to prioritize activities on the second?

Lesson #4: Practice gratitude (and not just for the good things) 

I've always heard how important it is to express thankfulness for all the amazing stuff I have in my life...but how does that actually work? To answer this, we learned about a technique in class called negative visualization.

Negative visualization is where you think of something that matters to you (like your friend group, your musical theater camp or your cross-country team). Then, you close your eyes and picture your life without it. Once you realize how your life could shift without those important elements, you may be more grateful than ever for all you have.

Your assignment: 

Give negative visualization a try. Here's how I did it: I was getting frustrated with how many commitments I had with my family when I'm so busy. But then, when I imagined my fall without Friday night dinners, inside jokes with my sis during road trips and holiday celebrations, I felt sad. When I opened my eyes, I felt more excited for all the family time to come.

Lesson #5: Live in the moment 

Another exercise Dr. Santos shared is "savoring." This is super useful for when you want to cultivate joy but are having trouble slowing down in a jam-packed day. The good news is that savoring doesn't require a 30-minute meditation or a long walk: You can try it while you're eating a piece of your Grandma's apple pie, reading a good book, taking in stunning fall foliage or just hanging out with your bestie.

Your assignment: 

Here's how to savor: During a happy moment, tune into your five senses and ask yourself what you see/hear/feel/taste/touch. Make sure you pick up on small details, like the tiny hint of cinnamon or the way your BFF always laughs silently first. Just a few minutes of mindfulness are super centering and valuable.

Lesson #6: Have fun, but make it *real* fun

I previously thought of things in two categories: fun (weekend plans with my friends) and not fun (um, cleaning my room). Dr. Santos explained it's a bit more complex than that because not all fun is, well, real fun.

Dr. Santos taught us how important it is to let yourself have more fun. Honestly, when I stopped to think about it, I couldn't remember the last time I'd had actual fun. Sure, it was great spending time with my girls...but a lot of times we'd be on our phones, dealing with group drama or just thinking about our own stress in the background. 

Your assignment: 

Do a "fun audit," Dr. Santos suggested: Grab your journal and list, in detail, three fun times in your life. Now, identify your "fun factors," from certain people to specific places. My list: 1) The time my best friend and I ran in the rain on a summer afternoon, 2) Walking with my sister after school and 3) Hiking with my family on a fall morning. I realized that being in nature and with my closest crew are my fun factors...and that's what I needed to create more time for instead of another party or drama-filled hang sesh.

Lesson #7: Feel your feelings...even the bad ones

Dr. Santos made it very clear that, in this class, the goal was not to be happy all the time. When it comes to sadness, anger and other not-so-great feelings, she explained it's like a beach ball in the water—no matter how hard you try to push it down, it will just pop right back up. That's why, in order to be more content, you have to feel *all* your emotions. (That said, if you're having persistent feelings of sadness or worry, talk to a trusted adult to seek out more support for your mental health.) 

Your assignment: 

The acronym RAIN (recognize, allow, investigate and nurture) is a helpful guide I learned. Let's say I'm disappointed after getting that B back on the test I studied so hard for. First, I recognize how I'm feeling: totally bummed. Then, I allow myself to process and feel those feelings (and that can mean anything from crying to writing in my journal to spending some time by myself). 

After that, investigate the source of the negative emotions: Am I worried because I think this grade could have hurt my college chances? Angry because I was sure I aced it? Take the time to unpack and understand (you can also talk it through with a supportive person in your life like a close friend or parent). 

The most important step? Show yourself love after dealing with your feelings. Snuggle up with your pup, listen to your favorite playlist or FaceTime your bestie—whatever brings you joy.

Lesson #8: Stop waiting for the report card 

Even though my time watching videos and doing "happiness homework" with Dr. Santos has come to an end, my work is not done. 

I used to think happiness was something I had to wait for. I assumed if I just did the work of getting good grades, acing my extracurriculars and showing up for my friends that I'd get a prize of well-being on the other end.

But now I know that true happiness isn't something I'll just achieve eventually: Turns out, happiness is possible right now in this very moment. You just need to slow down and enjoy what's around you.

Hey, girl! Just wanted to let you know that this story originally ran in our October/November 2023 issue. Want more? Read the print mag for free *today* when you click HERE.

Top image: @niasioux
All GIF via GIPHY

by Eva Mandelbaum | 11/3/2023