LIFE

Yikes. You def didn't mean to do it, but you messed up big time and upset your BFF. Maybe you totally spaced on that band concert you promised to attend or binged those episodes of Wednesday that you said you'd watch together. Maybe you did something more serious like letting one of your bestie's secrets slip or making a not-so-kind comment behind their back. 

When you feel like you've disappointed someone you care about, it's common to start feeling pretty guilty, like you're a bad person or an untrustworthy friend. But you don't have to let your friendship mistakes define you. You have the power to channel that icky, ashamed feeling into something that can actually help the situation: a sincere and thoughtful apology. 

1. Pick the right time and place

@camimendes

Pro-tip: Apologizing in a public place, especially one where there are lots of people around, is a no-go. It's hard enough without an audience! Plus, the last thing you want is to risk making your friend feel extra embarrassed or give the impression that you're trying to fit your apology into your busy schedule.

Carve out a moment to take your bestie aside privately or plan to meet up somewhere where you know it will just be the two of you. They'll see how important the conversation actually is to you, and it will reduce the chances of either of you feeling uncomfy. 

Timing-wise, there's a sweet spot to strike when saying sorry. Give your friend some processing time, particularly if they seem super sad, angry or generally emotional in the aftermath of your mistake. They could need a bit of space to reflect if you've really hurt their feelings.

But if your pal is willing to sit down and talk things through with you, there's no need to wait any longer to apologize. The sooner you show them how much you regret your mistake, the sooner the two of you will be able to start working through the conflict (rather than letting it go unspoken, which can ultimately make things harder to sort out). 

2. Speak from the heart

@sofiawylie

When admitting that you're wrong, it's tempting to try and deflect blame. It's natural to get defensive and make excuses for your behavior. Before you blurt out "I'm sorry you feel that way..." or "You know I didn't mean it like that...", remember that you're supposed to be acknowledging your mistake, not pushing that responsibility back onto your BFF. 

Try sentence-starters like "I am so sorry that I..." or "I shouldn't have acted like...", that help you articulate where you went wrong. If you're really ready to apologize, you'll skip playing the blame game and own up to your misstep. 

3. Make promises that you can keep 

@maliabakermsb

A key part of saying sorry is vowing to do better in the future. Your friend will want to hear that you've learned your lesson, and you won't make the same exact mistake again next week.  

However, you should be sure that these promises are ones you can stick to. You're only human, meaning you can't guarantee that you'll never sleep through your alarm or never miss any of their texts. But you'll need to provide some reassurance that you've grown from your error and that you're committed to making a (realistic) change.  

One crucial thing to keep in mind: There are certain situations where, even though you might feel outside pressure to say sorry, you could be slipping into overly-apologetic territory. 

Preserving your personal boundaries is hard work (and GL is here for advice on this!), and it's a necessary step in taking good care of yourself and your friendships.

@peytonelizabethlee

Once you've said you're sorry, your bestie might forgive you immediately (whew!) or they might need some more time to heal. But either way, you'll likely feel a sense of relief knowing that you're taking accountability for your actions. Relying on these tips for delivering a meaningful apology can make difficult circumstances a tiny bit less stressful— and they might give you better chance of repairing your bond.

In need of more BFF-related advice? Check out these related stories:
💌 Here's how to be a better friend
💌 How and when to let a friendship go
💌 How to tell your bestie that her crush isn't right for her

Share your tips for surviving BFF drama with us on Twitter @girlslifemag! 

Slider image: @camimendes

by Madelon Basil | 2/12/2023