Tricky, sticky summer situations. Everybody has ’em! Maybe it’s meeting your BF’s family or running into your ex at the beach with his new Lindsay Lohan look-alike girlfriend. Hard as it is to believe, uncomfortable situations can be a good thing! Why? Because every time you experience one, you get more practice dealing—and practice makes perfect! Here’s how to handle those “Why me? Why now?!” moments….

YOUR CAMP COUNSELOR HAS PARTNERED YOU WITH SOMEONE YOU CAN’T STAND

You’re praying that you get paired up with your camp BFF for badminton but, unfortunately, you get the one girl you cannot stand! Big summer bummer. You could beg your counselor for a new partner, but a) there’s a 99-percent chance she won’t make the change, and b) you really don’t want to be a bad sport. So you’ve gotta make the best of it. Technique? Acting! Pretend you’ve just met this girl for the first time. That way, you’ll be friendly, positive, and see her fresh.

Commiserate with her by saying something like, “Is camp food one notch below prison food or what?” or, “Do you think they could’ve woken us up any earlier?!” You’ll have an immediate bond—even if it’s only a tiny one. From there, ask her questions about what she likes, where she lives—even if you don’t care. She’ll get so wrapped up in talking about herself that you won’t remember how much you don’t—or didn’t—like her!

YOU HAVE A DREADED, AWKWARD EX ENCOUNTER

You and your BFF are hanging at the beach, minding your own biz, when all of a sudden, you see your ex with his hot new GF, who’s in a teeny-weeny bikini. Eek! What to do?

You could totally ignore him, even though he’s comin’ right at ya, and then get busted for a bad fake-out (“Oh, hi! I didn’t see you!”). Or you could do the mature thing and say, “Great day, huh?” Then, look at his girlfriend and compliment her. Yes, that’s right! Say something like, “Cute suit!” Why, oh, why should you say something nice to The Rival? It shows you’re so above cattiness—and you’re so confident, you don’t even feel the need to compete!

YOUR FRIEND WANTS TO BORROW MONEY FOR THOSE GOT-TO-HAVE-’EM SUNGLASSES

You and your BFF are at the mall when she discovers the ultimate pair of summer shades. At the register, she suddenly turns to you and says, “Hey, can I borrow $40?” Gulp. You definitely aren’t Miss Moneybags, and you know that handing her cash is like tossing it off a cliff. You’re on the spot, so what do you do?

Tell her something like, “Those glasses look awesome, but I can’t front you the dough. Sorry!” She may have all the excuses in the world to get you to lay out the Jacksons, like, “I’ll pay you back as soon as I get home.” But just keep saying, “I’m sorry. I love you, but I just can’t.” Sometimes, saying less is more. And that wise old adage is tried and true: Never lend money to a friend. If you want to keep her as a friend, that is.

YOUR BFF OVER-LIGHTENED HER HAIR FOR SUMMER, AND IT LOOKS BAD. REALLY, REALLY BAD

Major bind. Your BFF got a little heavy-handed with the Sun-In, and her hair looks like hay—really old hay. When she eagerly asks your opinion, you find yourself looking for the nearest chaise lounge to crawl under. How can you possibly tell your BFF the truth?

Sadly, your choices are limited. You can either lie to her, or you can treat her the way you would want to be treated—gently and honestly. Start by complimenting her: “That lip gloss is so fabulous!” or, “Great top!” to build her up a little. Then say, “You know, I like you with lighter hair, but I think your eyes stand out more when your hair is closer to your natural shade.” Then, suggest that she try a temporary color to darken it up a tad or a deep-conditioning treatment to soften it.

If she’s determined to stay with the hay, tell her it’s not that bad—maybe people will mistake her for Paris Hilton! A little humor will definitely ease the pain. But in the end, you’ll have been true to your friendship by being honest.

A GUY YOU FIND REPULSIVE ASKS YOU TO THE BIG SUMMER DANCE

You’re dying to go to the dance, but guess who asks you first? Nerdy Guy! Since you’re a nice person, you don’t want to diss him. Then again, you don’t want to do anything that’ll ruin your chances of going to the dance with someone you actually want to go with.

Solution? Tell him the truth-ish: “Actually, I’m already going with a friend.” Maybe that’s true, or maybe you’re waiting for that—heart be still!—hottie lifeguard to ask you. But the reality is that you are going and, either way, “friend” isn’t so much of a stretch as to make it a lie. You save him from a major blow-off, while not limiting your lifeguard, er, options.

YOU’RE AT A BARBECUE, AND YOU DON’T KNOW ANYONE EXCEPT THE HOSTESS

You could back into a corner, weenie in hand, and avoid people the entire day. No fun. Or you could possibly make new friends by chatting it up. Way fun.

How to do it? Scope the crowd for a couple of friendly people. Then, grab your confidence (yes, you do have it with you!) and introduce yourself. Ask questions (“Are you from around here?”) rather than going for a “me, me, me” monologue. If the conversation gets dull, you can always excuse yourself to get a soda (not everyone is going to be a perfect match). Just get back out there and approach someone else. And if there’s a horseshoes or volleyball match, get in on the action. Who knows? Your future BFF could be somewhere in the crowd!

YOUR FRIEND WANTS TO BUY THE EXACT SAME DRESS AS YOU

You finally picked out that perfect pink, strappy back-to-school dress. The one that was screaming out to you from the store window, “Buy me! Buy me!” But when you show off your fab new purchase to your BFF, all she can say is, “I have to have that dress, too!” Grr. You love the girl, but this is your dress that you found, and you definitely don’t want your friend to have the same one—even if she promises to never wear it on the same day.

Selfish? Not at all. Your clothes are an expression of who you are, and you have spent a lot of time (and money!) creating your own personal style. After you take some time to calm down, phone your friend and tell her she could buy the dress but that you’re asking her not to, because it’s really special to you and you know she understands. Then, offer to help her find another really cute dress that will be just as special to her as yours is to you!

by Sandy Fertman Ryan | 2/1/2016