Tough Stuff

Worried about my friend's BF

I have a friend who I've known for three years. We're both high school freshman, but now I go to private school while she goes to public. Last year she got involved with the wrong people and did drugs a couple of times, but stopped around July.

I haven't talked to or seen her the whole summer, and she just called me today. We talked for a while, and she mentioned her boyfriend.
This guy is a senior in high school. They've been dating for six months now. And, they’ve started getting really serious. I said everything that I could think of about why this wasn't a good situation, she just brushed off with "he loves me" or something like it. She just turned 14!

I'm really worried about her. I don't want her to end up with an STD, a kid, or a broken heart. I don't know what to say to her, but I want to say something to get her to realize what she's doing. Please help!

Hey girl,

It’s totally understandable that you’re worried about your friend. I mean really, what gal wants to see her pal get hurt? I get really worried about my BFF when she gets into potentially bad relationships, so I’m right there with you! Here are a just few tips on how I handle that tough sitch.

Be a good listener

It may sound kinda obvious, but just listening to what your friend has to say is really important…for both of you! It’ll let her know that you care while keeping you up to date on what’s going on in her life. If you’re worried, she’ll be more likely to listen to you, too. Mutual respect is an absolute MUST in a good friendship.  And who knows, maybe you’ll discover things aren’t as worrisome as they sounded at first.

Let your voice be heard…

Four years is a bit of an age gap, so it’s only normal that you feel kinda nervous about it.  After you listen to her updates, def take the chance to say how you feel too. Let her know that you just don’t want to see her get hurt, and she’ll be sure to let you put in your two cents…even if she disagrees. Talk about what exactly it is you’re worried about (STDs, pregnancy, or even a broken heart).  If she knows the specifics, she may think twice about what's going on.

…but not too much

You have the right to worry, but keep an open mind too.  Remember that you could be totally wrong about this guy. You don’t know him, so ask her to introduce you. Six months is a decent amount of time, so maybe he really does love her. Unfortunately, love always runs a risk of heartbreak. Just make sure that if she starts to get serious, she’s safe about it.

In the end, you’re not her parent. You’re her friend, and pals are supposed to be there to support each other, not scold and worry…well, not too much. It’s scary, but this is her life, so ultimately, she calls the final shots. All you can do is let her know how you feel, cross your fingers and be there to catch her if she falls. 

You sound like a great friend, so I’m sure you’ll be there to support her every bit of the way. With you there to talk to, I’m sure she’ll be just fine.

~Kristen <3

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12/15/2009 7:00:00 AM