LIFE

 

Once again, you're not sure what to do. Your friend is constantly making you feel bad about yourself to the point where you don't know if she is even your friend anymore. Friendships are all about loving one another and having fun, and when your friend is making you feel worse as opposed to better, it might be time to reassess the relationship. Here are 10 ways to determine if you're in a toxic friendship:

1. She makes you feel bad about yourself. Friends are supposed to boost each other up, not tear each other down. If your friend intentionally tries to make you feel bad about about yourself physically or mentally, or takes jokes too far even when you've told her how it makes you feel, you are probably in a toxic friendship. If you're not being treated with the same level of kindness that you are treating her with, that's a problem.

2. She gives you bad advice. It's one thing for your friend with different style to suggest you wear a skirt that you find hideous, but it's another thing for her to deliberately sabotage you by giving you bad advice. For example, if your "friend" is telling you to lie to your parents or to stop pursuing the guy that she's suddenly started eyeing, you might want to reconsider her intentions.

3. She isn't happy for you. Let's face it, when you get good news, your BFF is always the first person you want to tell, but relaying the news is never any fun if she can't even crack a smile for you. If your friend is bitter about you achieving things that she hasn't or if she belittles all of your accomplishments, that can be some pretty toxic behavior. A true friend should be happy for you no matter what.

4. She talks behind your back. It can be a big deal for you to share your secrets with other people, and if those other people share your secrets without your consent, that's a pretty big deal too. If your friend can't keep your secrets, or even worse, makes up rumors about you, it's definitely time to reexamine who you thought she was.

5. She lies to you. You let it slide when your BFF cancels on your long-time plans last minute because her grandpa is sick, but when you see on Snapchat that she's at the movie with her other friend...not okay. If your friend has a tendency to make up stories about where she was or things she has done, she's probably not the type of person you can trust to be honest about anything else. It should also be a signal to you that your friend might be shifty if she is telling you about the lies she has been telling other people. It wasn't you that she lied to today, but it very well could be you tomorrow.

6. She's manipulative. Using your emotions against you is a sure sign of a toxic friendship. For example, if your friend guilts you into doing something you don't want to do just to get what she wants or if she knows you don't like confrontation yet continuously puts you in confrontational situations so you'll agree, it might be time to call it quits.

7. She's kind of a know-it-all. Not only does your friend believe that she has all the answers, but she refuses to validate or respect your opinions and ideas. It seems like she decides where you go, when you hang out and what you do.

8. She doesn't respect your other friendships. Sometimes the people that our friends are close with are not the people that we are close with, and that's okay! If your friend can't accept that you have other friends, this might be a bad sign. The friendship probably isn't healthy if she always trashes anyone else you talk to or want to spend time with. A good friend will acknowledge that you enjoy hanging out with this person and make an effort to be civil with them whether she likes them or not.

9. She uses you. Does it seem like your friend only wants to hang out when you offer to pay? Does she often spend time talking about the things that it would be really nice of you to do for her? If you seem to be doing a lot for your friend and getting nothing in return (not even a thank-you) then you might getting used. Just like a relationship, a friendship is a 50-50 effort situation.

10. She doesn't feel for you. If you're telling your friend about how your dog died last night and she interupts you to go get a snack, she probably isn't friendship material. Good friends listen to each other when they have a problem and provide them with the support they need to get through it. If your friend doesn't care about what is going on in your life, she doesn't care much about you, either.

Have you ever had a toxic friendship? Let us know in the comments below!

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by Erin Farrugia | 5/23/2017