every single day,
I hate her.
She screams insults,
That creep inside my brain,
And make it hard to get out of bed.
She says things like,
“You’re stupid!” and
“You’re ugly!”
I can usually comfort myself with a comeback,
But she knows me too well.
She knows exactly what to say now,
She knows the things
I have been tricked into believing.
“You’re pathetic.
You make too many mistakes.
You’re a freak.
You’re not even close to perfect,
And you never will be.”
The insults race towards me,
like a waterfall.
I am drowning in them.
“No one wants to be around you when you’re sad;
Don’t forget to plaster on that faux smile.”
That one really hurts,
But I know the one coming.
The finishing, final blow is the worst.
This is her favorite one to say.
“You are not good enough.”
My insides twist up in to knots.
I wish I could prove her wrong.
“You are not good enough.”
I honestly never have any response to this one.
“You are not good enough.”
I will her to stop.
She is screaming now!
“You are not good enough…
You’re not good enough for anyone.”
She is a monster.
I want so badly to run away from her.
“You’re not good enough for yourself, either.”
I cannot run.
I try to forget the things she says.
All I can do is walk away,
from the mirror,
She lives there.
She is me.
I am her.
I am the monster.
The worst part is that
I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be able to
Shut that part of me up for good.
I honestly don’t know
why I cannot stop trying to destroy myself.

by GL Reader | 2/1/2016