Tough Stuff

Not good enough?

I feel like I'm too responsible. My mom gets mad at me for making her do the dishes, take out the trash, and do the laundry. Now she's acting like it is my fault I had to be home-schooled because I was diagnosed with lupus. She puts everything on me and says you need to do this and that and go to school and get a job. I work so hard that I have awards for every year of school including kindergarten.

When teachers say they wish they could take me home because of how good I am, she just says "go ahead." I feel like I'm not worth anything and that I'm not doing enough, even though I know I'm doing plenty. I never have any fun! I stay locked up in my room and when I come out I always get sent back.

The worst thing is, my sister is 29 and had kids when she was 16. I have to babysit every night so she can go out. She dropped out of school in the fifth grade, has no awards, no job, and no responsibilities. When she does something wrong my mom will wait until she leaves and complain about her to me. I'm 16 and in high school.

What should I do? Please help!

Hey girlie,

I’m really sorry to hear about your way tough sitch. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to deal with all of that abuse when you know you’re doing everything right. And that’s the truth: you aren’t doing anything wrong. Anyone would be lucky to have such a responsible and smart young woman as their daughter.

You could try talking to your mom and letting her know how you feel. It’s not right, and it’s not fair that you have so much pressure on your shoulders. Try writing her an honest letter so she knows what it feels like to be YOU. If this approach doesn't work, try to look to your grandparents or other relatives for advice since they are more in touch with your sitch than I am. They may be able to help you out and offer more personal suggestions. If things get really rough, maybe you could stay with one of them for a little while, too.

But no matter what happens, stay strong and keep working hard. It’s really tough to see it when you’re not getting the attention you deserve, but your perseverance will def pay off. You're going through so much—lupus and family matters just to name a few—but keep on looking on the bright side. Soon, you will be old enough to go to college. And when you are, go for it and give it all you’ve got!  Don’t ever let anyone stop you or tell you you’re not good enough. You have the power to do whatever and be whoever you want to be! 

Keep a journal in your room so you can let out all of your stress and emotions. It doesn’t have to take up a ton of time, just sit for five minutes before you go to bed and write non-stop. Even if you don’t know what to write about, scribble that down until something comes to mind. It sounds kinda silly, but you’d be surprised how helpful it is when you just let your thoughts and feelings flow onto the page.

I really hope this helps you out at least a little bit, girlie! Focus on your hard work because you have every reason to be proud of all that you’ve accomplished.  Best of luck!

Kristen Y.

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9/22/2009 7:00:00 AM