Tough Stuff

How to deal with jealousy

We've all been there: Your BFF just made a cool new friend, and they seem to be hanging out *all* the time now. Your classmate aced that tough math test, while you didn't get the grade you wanted—even though you know you studied so hard. Your crush started dating someone else, and you see them together in the hallway just a little too often. Whatever the sticky situation, Olivia Rodrigo said it best: "Jealousy, jealousy started following me." If you're feeling extra green with envy these days, no need to worry! It's totally normal to experience jealousy sometimes—and you can try out these simple suggestions on how to deal.

Focus on Y-O-U

Jealousy might come from comparing yourself to other people and concentrating too much on the things that you don't like about yourself. If your focus is always on external things, start moving it inward. This could mean that you try to directly target the root of your envy. If you're feeling jealous that your bestie has made a new friend, maybe you plan to hang out as a trio so you can get to know the other person. Or, you could make a new friend to bring to the next hangout! You also might look at the people you're feeling jealous of and see how you can apply their qualities to your life. If you wish you had gotten the same grade as your classmate, maybe you can switch up your study strategies to match theirs—or offer to study together for the next test. On the other hand, sometimes focusing on yourself might just mean thinking about your own strengths and all the great parts of your personality, or simply taking some time to do something you love.

Reflect on what you're thankful for

One of the easiest and best ways to cope with jealousy? Reflecting on what you're thankful for. Still, while practicing gratitude is super important, it can sometimes be a tough habit to get into, especially if you're still trapped in that "green-eyed monster" mindset. Maybe you'll start keeping a gratitude journal or a list of things you feel thankful for every day. It could even be something as small as seeing a cute dog on your after-school walk or going out for some ice cream with your fam after dinner. Soon, your frame of mind will totally change, and trust us, you'll be *so* glad it did. 

Talk about it

Let's face it: Sometimes you just need to vent! If that's the case for you, then it's time to talk it out. Open up to someone you trust. Then, you won't feel like you're carrying those negative emotions alone—and you might get some great advice out of it or gain some extra perspective on the situation. If you'd rather not confide in another person, you could also write out your feelings. Trying out a tactic like "free writing," where you're forced to just jot down whatever thoughts come to mind, will help you stop judging yourself for however you feel and process your jealousy.

Remind yourself that it's OK to feel like this

When you've tried everything you can, how do you deal with jealousy? Simply by telling yourself that it's OK to get jealous sometimes. Everyone experiences jealousy. And even though it isn't fun in the moment, you're def not alone in what you're going through. So remember that it's normal to feel this way, and give yourself the time and space that you need in order to get through it.

Looking for more advice? Check out these articles:

💖 How to stop being a people pleaser
💖 How to have better boundaries
💖 How to deal with rejection

How do you deal with jealousy? Tell us on Twitter @girlslifemag!

All GIFs via GIPHY | Slider image: @jennibrhodes


by Samara Smukler | 1/9/2023