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Tough Stuff
How one GL girl is dealing with loss in a positive light
When my friend Jessica's dad Robert was struck by a vehicle on a morning run, her world was instantly turned upside down.
Not only has she been grieving the loss of her father, but she has also lost him tragically during a worldwide pandemic—a time of great uncertainty. While times are tough, she has decided to focus on how she can make her father proud as well as how she can help others going through similar situations.
Jessica and her father were inseparable and did everything together. Losing him has taken a toll not only on Jessica, but on her mom, brothers and their entire community. Jessica's dad was a selfless, loving, generous and hardworking man whom everybody looked up to and admired.
I was able to check in with Jessica and ask her what has helped her the most during this time—how she gets up every day and is able to find positive moments in this dark time.
Her main coping mechanism: opening up to family and friends for support. The love from others in her family and social circle has kept her going. While many times social media is a good way to communicate, she has decided to take a break from these overstimulating apps. Instead, simple gestures like receiving a letter or old-fashioned phone call have meant the world to her. She is also taking online summer classes, including chemistry and microbiology, and keeping herself busy with healthy activities such as running, biking and going on nature walks. She's also an advocate for therapy —and believes that therapy can really work if you give it a chance.
Also, her mom has suprised her with a brand new cockapoo, Charlie Bo, named in honor of her dad because that was the phrase he always used. Since the family was not able to have a funeral or shiva (a way to celebrate the life of a loved one in the Jewish tradition), they have been considering other ways to gather when the virus is over. They are hoping to honor her dad's legacy by planning a fundraiser including her family and close friends of her dad's.
What advice would Jessica give someone who is grieving? Most importantly, she highlighted to me how important it is to express emotions and to cry. She is going through the waves of grief and with that comes both good and bad days. She also emphasized that it is okay to not be okay at all times.
She believes that nobody owes anything to anyone and healing takes time. While talking to Jess, we went on to discuss the value of checking in on others especially during these times. Everyone grieves and handles hard situations differently, and no matter how someone is grieving, checking in goes a long way.
While Jess is in pain now, she is realizing that the pain might be even greater in a year or even five years down the road. Although the pain may never fully heal, she knows that she needs to keep her head up and stay positive through her tragic loss. She is an inspiration to both myself and many others because rather than going down a dark path, she is deciding to handle this situation with grace and maturity to move towards her bright future.
Life isn't fair, but it is how you choose to handle the obstacles thrown your way that define you and your situation.
POSTED IN Tough Stuff, LIFE, Family
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