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CRUSHES

Advice

Is it a crush or an infatuation? How to tell the difference

Let's be real, crushing on a brand-new cutie is fun—but can too much of a good thing be a bad thing? Sometimes, a crush can take over your mind (even before you've even exchanged your first Snaps or gone on a date together). Ever felt like your thoughts are suddenly taken over by someone you hardly know? Keep reading to see the signs of a crush versus infatuation so you can notice your feelings and take action to keep your love life strong and healthy.

It's a crush if...You don't know if you know them that well. 

Sometimes, a crush is someone you know *super* well—like your across-the-street neighbor or your longtime camp bud. But often it's someone you may not have talked to much. Maybe there's a cutie who's new to your science class. You think he's smart because he participates a lot and asks amaze questions and he's *def* kind because he's always offering to help other people with the problem sets. But, other than that, you don't know him that well. That's totally OK, just the first step in recognizing you *want* to get to know them!

It's an infatuation if...You *think* you know them super well.

Based on a few brief meetings, you've decided you know everything about your crush—even better than their friends, fam and, well, even them! You're so convinced you've got a perfect read on them that you think there's no one else for them but you. It's fine to see the two of you dating, but recognize that you need to get to know them better before deciding you're soulmates for life. Keeping an open mind is healthy for both you and your crush—take it slow and see what happens.

It's a crush if...You can give them space.

Say the girl that lives next door has been your secret crush for a while. You love seeing her at family parties and think you two would be cute together. You like her, but you don’t mind having some time in between when you see each other. In fact, that makes it more fun! Time spent daydreaming about her or planning your next dream date is what makes a crush so thrilling. You’re happy she has other friends, and you have your own life as well. It’s a crush if you don’t mind taking a break and don’t mind keeping up with other parts of your life.

It's an infatuation if...You hate when they hang out with anyone else.

If you can’t even handle a weekend without trying to see your crush, something is off. If you find yourself constantly checking the Snap Map or attempting to show up where they’ll be constantly, you may want to dial things back. It’s okay to be attached or excited. But coming on too strong won’t just hurt your chances but will also hurt your sense of self. It’s important to know you’re worthy of love and don’t need to be obsessive in order to win someone’s heart.

It's a crush if...You want to look cute for them.

This is a good sign! If you want to wear that new top to catch the eye of that person you like—go ahead. It’s great to love your look and know others will, too. One of the great parts of having a crush is how it makes you want to look and feel your best to impress them. The result: you get to be an even better you! So do yourself up in the way that feels most comfortable and rock it for your crush and for you.

It's an infatuation if...You want to change who you are or your values to please them.

Infatuations are unhealthy. They make you feel bad about yourself. You’re so obsessed with this person that you’d do anything to be right for them—even change yourself. Dressing cute or trying a new hobby is one thing, but when you start wanting to be someone else, that’s how you know something is wrong. It’s important to love yourself first, and if you find yourself wanting to be someone else, or trying to be someone else, you gotta remember your own self worth.

It's a crush if...Being around them feels magical.

You giggle around them, smile a lot and just feel the chemistry. If you feel happy around this person and comfortable even being yourself around them, then that’s a good sign. Sure, you have some nerves, but that's okay. Crushes can bring out your fun and flirty sides and that's exciting!

It's an infatuation if...It feels wrong but you're ignoring it.

Friends are telling you there are red flags and signs your crush doesn’t care or isn’t nice to you. Yet, you don’t care because this person you only sort of know *has* to be right for you. If you’re convinced their bad behavior doesn’t matter because your attraction will outweigh it—think again. Dating someone means you accept each other for who you are and you both make the effort to show you like and care for each other. The truth is, when your crush has become an infatuation, your gut will tell you. If you know someone isn’t good for you, but still feel attracted to them like crazy, take a step back. Think about what you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Listen to the people around you and listen to the voice of reason in your head. You should want to be your best self around your crush and they should also bring out the best in you! If something inside is telling you this person is bad for you, you should listen up.

Have you ever experienced an infatuation? Let us know on Twitter @girlslifemag!

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by Grace Hasson | 9/6/2020
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