CRUSHES

Lily Collins, the star of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones and Mirror Mirror, recently released a memoir called Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me. The majorly-anticipated book hit shelves at the beginning of the month and in it, the beloved actress exposed some pretty surprising things from her past including eating disorders and issues with her father (musician Phil Collins). One of the most striking revelations was that of an emotionally abusive relationship with a now ex-boyfriend. 

In the book, she digs deep, writing that she "fell for his image" and "tried to be perfect for him," but "the more I silenced my voice with this guy, the more isolated I became." During the relationship, she distanced herself from her mom and "worst of all: I became so scared that if I left him, I would have nothing. Be nothing." Lily recalls that she ended the relationship after he became physically abusive during an argument.

Albeit sad and horrific, Lily's experience is something that others can learn from. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, know that we support you and are here to offer tips to get you out of it.

What is abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms: physical, emotional and verbal, amongst others. Just because your partner doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean that they aren’t abusive. Your partner's words can cut just as deep as a physical wound. Another thing to note: No matter the type of abuse, your situation matters and your feelings are valid.

What are some signs of abuse?
- Your partner is constantly jealous
- They want to control you in various ways: the way you dress, who you hang out with, where you go and other aspects of your life that should be up to you alone
- Hypersensitivity
- They isolate you from friends, family and the outside world
- They blame you for their mistakes

What should you do?
If you are in an abusive relationship, you should reach out for help. It might be scary, but in the end it will be worth it. It's something you should speak up about sooner rather than later, too. Do not give them a second chance or write off the experience. If they did it once, they’ll do it again. Talk to a parent, friend, teacher, professional or someone else that you trust and ask them to intervene if needed.

The lesson? 
No one thinks that they'll be in an abusive relationship until they are, and it’s important not to deny the truth of the situation. By opening up about her relationship, Lily proved that anyone can be a victim, even the people who seem to have it all. And if you ever do end up in that situation or are dealing with abuse right now, Lily also proves that you are not alone. 

If it's not you, you can still help
If you notice the signs in someone else’s relationship, don’t ignore it simply because you think it’s none of your business. It’s important that you not only stick up for yourself, but others as well, so make it your business by telling an adult.

Who to call
If you have no one else to turn to for help you can always use the National Domestic Abuse Hotline which is open 24/7 and is completely confidential. Click here to go to their website or call 1-800-799-7233. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, please call: 1-800-787-3224.

To read more about Lily's experience or any of the other issues shes dealt with, you can go here to pick up her book. 

Have you ever been in or known someone in an abusive relationship? How did you or they handle it? What advice would you have for others in the same situation? 

Photo credit: Lily Collins

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by Kaila Lindsey and Maddie Smith | 3/23/2017