CRUSHES

Dear Carol,
Do you believe people can change? My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months, and he’s controlling and has a temper. He says he doesn’t want to lose me, and he’s going to change. We’re 15. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
—Change

Dear Change,
I think people can change when they are truly motivated and work hard to do so. But I also think that, to a great extent, people are who they are. You can’t teach someone to be funny, for instance. As for your BF, if he seems wired to be somewhat controlling and angry, I hope he learns to break these habits and be more caring and thoughtful, though it will be a challenge. (Therapy would help.) Most couples who meet at 15 do not and should not stay together forever, and if you are unhappy in this relationship, you aren’t stuck. Be careful not to break up in a way that will set him off. Can you ease away by making yourself less available? You say you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but your feelings count, too.

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by Carol Weston | 3/11/2017