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Ask Cliff: Should you make the first move?
Hey guys, thanks for sticking around and continuing to read my articles––I hope it has all been helpful. This week we are going to talk about whether or not nerves are a factor in making the first move. Is he just nervous around you or are you reading the signs all wrong? Here's what I think...
Is he just nervous or are you reading the signs wrong?
Making the first move can be really intimidating for some people. Things like holding your hand for the first time or going for a peck on the lips can be the biggest obstacle for some guys. To answer your question, yes, the reason he probably has not made a move is because he is nervous. Sure, it's possible he may just not share those feelings for you after all, and the signs you're spotting are totally accidental––but in most cases, the simple answer really is nerves. You have to remember this could very well be his first relationship so these emotions he may be feeling are all new. It takes time before someone can feel comfortable (with you or with themselves) to make that move. That being said, you shouldn't mistake his nerves for him not liking you.
The first time I went to hold a girl's hand, I was SO nervous––and the weird thing is I am not even a shy person. I just wasn’t in my comfort zone at that point. Eventually, as my GF and I became closer, we both became more comfortable with one another. I think everyone can relate to those first date jitters. You know, like when you are at the movie theater and you're not even paying attention to the movie because you're so worried about whether or not he is going to go to hold your hand. There's the opposite problem, too, like when you get so into the movie that holding someone’s hand is the last thing on your mind. For example, I went on a date one time and we saw The Dark Knight, and I was so into the movie that she had to be the one to reach out and take my hand.
Either way, if someone is nervous you can't rush them to make a move they are not ready to make. If someone is pressured to do something they are not comfortable with, things can get weird. So I say just wait it out a little—or make the first move yourself if you want to be bold. It doesn't hurt to try and see what his reaction is. Next time you are waiting around for that first peck or that hand hold, just be assured that the long wait doesn’t exactly mean he doesn’t like you. If anything, it means he likes you more because you are making him nervous.
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POSTED IN guys, Dating, boyfriend Q & A