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Dear Carol

Dear Carol, I'm adopted, and my mom won't tell me anything about my birth parents

Dear Carol,
I was adopted when I was just a baby and I am still curious about my real birth parents. Anytime I ask my mom about it, she just says that my real mom was young and moves on to something else. It really upsets me because I feel that I have a right to know. I have gotten so upset that I have actually cut myself. I have done it about four times. I just want a picture or to know something about her or to meet her! But my mom won't do anything to help. I don't want to hurt my mom by asking her too much, but it's not fair to me.
—Adopted

Dear Adopted,
Please, please no more cutting, OK? Your questions are completely natural, yet it's also understandable (albeit regrettable) that your curiosity makes your mom uncomfortable. I agree that you have every right to voice your thoughts, and I also believe your mom is the mom who is raising you. Someday your adoptive mom may tell your more about your birth parent, but perhaps she doesn't know much or knows of troubles that she hesitates to share. Say, "Mom, you are and always will be my mom and I love you, but please don't get upset just because I'm curious about the woman who gave me up. My questions are perfectly normal, and it's important for me to know for my medical history, too." In other words, help your mom not to feel threatened. Talking to a school counselor or someone you trust may help, too.

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by Dear Carol | 5/7/2017
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