I have been friends with this girl for about two months and we have become really close. Today she told me that she cuts herself, and she only tells her closet friends. She also said she doesn’t tell people who don’t cut themselves because they don’t understand but she trusted me enough to tell me. She said last time she told someone who didn’t she ended up getting in trouble and I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone because I really value her friendship. Also, I know she really trusts me because she has been doing it for two years and she didn’t even tell this one guy that she has been best friends with since preschool until today. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to tell anyone because last time I told a teacher about my friends abusive parents, my parents found out and I had to talk to a social worker about it and he found out and got really mad at me. I don’t want to have to do all of that again. But I really don’t want her to hurt herself. She said she doesn’t want me to be mad at her and she doesn’t want me to tell her why it’s bad, but she says she can’t stop. What do I do?’
-Anonymous ‘
Hey hon,
Cutting is a form of self-injury, which is usually a sign of a bigger, more serious problem. Your friend’s cutting is a desperate cry for help and attention. Many cutters say they cut themselves to escape this world and feel alive. But there are better and safer ways to do this.
You could tell your friend to keep a journal, a place to write all her deepest thoughts and secrets. Paint a picture or make a collage. Go for a nature walk together. Watch her favorite movie or T.V. show with her. Don’t judge her, just listen and really hear what she has to say. Give her a hug and let her cry on your shoulder.
As much as you would like to, you simply cannot handle this situation alone. I understand you want to help your friend, not get her in trouble. But in order to truly help her, you have to tell someone. Start with your parents and they should be able to help you with the next step. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them, try talking to another trusted adult, such as a school counselor, another relative, or a teacher. These people are there to help you, too.
Lots of love,
L’Oreal
IF YOU OR A FRIEND IS INJURING YOURSELF*:
Kids Health
An umbrella site for issues of all kinds for teens, including issues about body image, sexual abuse, eating disorders, drugs and alcohol, and diseases, Kids Health’s teen web site (kidshealth.org/teen) has a section with information about cutting and self-abuse located at kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html.
Psyke
Psyke (psyke.org) offers self-injury information and support in the form of personal forums, stories, FAQs, coping techniques, articles and external links to other excellent resources.
* There is currently no crisis hotline for self-injury. People are advised to call the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at 1-800-SUICIDE.
