I am adopted. I lived with my birth parents until I was 2… I am 11 now… It’s hard because people think of me as strange or weird but I’m like everyone else… I remember my biological parents…. My mom was only 17 when she gave me up to adoption…so she had me when she was 15 and she couldn’t take care of me.. I remember her and I miss her…. My dad was abusive to my mom after I was born so she left him (they weren’t married). The worst part is that my mom was an illegal immigrant from Russia so I can’t really search for her. My mom left me on the church doorstep when the nun found me and brought me to an adoption place… I can remember the place 2…after all I lived there for 3 years. My “parents” now are nice but I’m scared they’ll put me back up for adoption… I feel like an object that no one wants…

-xoxo
Graham Crackers‘

Dear GrahamCrackers,
Adoption is a heavy thing. First things first… it takes a wonderful and selfless couple to open their home to adoptable children. You probably hear this all the time, but you’re extremely blessed. Think about all the possible children they could have gotten, and they got YOU! You are probably the most incredible thing to ever happen to them. Not to get all Jerry McGuire on you…but you complete them. While your fears of them putting you back up for adoption are completely reasonable, rest assured that they are thankful and lucky to have you, and love you beyond words. Its corny, I know, but seriously sweetie, you have filled a void in their life. If you feel super unsettled, it may help to voice your concerns to your parents. Let them know how they can make you feel like you fit more into the family.

I think your situation is kind of difficult just because you weren’t adopted as an infant. Know that you aren’t alone. In fact, my brother’s girlfriend has a brother who was adopted from Korea. He remembers clearly being left by his mother and living in an orphanage. Instances like that play a huge role in shaping who you are as a person.You were raised by your birth mother and adopted when you were five…those memories are permanent. This may make the transition between the two families difficult because you can remember the life you had before you were taken in by your adoptive parents. It may help to talk to you school counselor, she may be able to hook you up with some other adopted kids who are in the same boat as you.

As for your birth mother, its OK to miss her. You and her had the chance to create a bond. The connection between mother and daughter never goes away. I bet she thinks about you often. If you are interested in contacting her, you definitely need your ‘rents help. It may be possible to look up your birth record if you know where you were born. Your options are kind of limited seeing as how she did not put you up for adoption through a legitimate agency.

Finally….being an object nobody wants… I know the feeling. It’s the pits when you feel like you aren’t appreciated for the fabulous girl you are. But know that you are wonderful beyond belief. Your birth mother gave you up for adoption not because she didn’t want you or love you, but because she couldn’t give you the life you deserve to have, That takes courage. And your adoptive family obviously loves you because you are the child that they have always wanted. Trust me…not only are you wanted…you’re infinitely loved.

Love Always,
Jana