I have had a huge crush on this one boy (lets call him Andrew) ever since 5th grade (right now, I’m in 8th!). He’s really nice, sweet, smart, and good-looking!! We became really good friends in 5th grade, because he was a new student he had just moved here. Well, whenever we worked with groups or partners we would look at each other and know that we would be going together. One day his friend asked me if I wanted to go to the dance with Andrew, and I stupidly said no. Can you believe it?!?! I think I was in shock actually. Anyways, we still talked and were great friends, but before the end of the school year he told me on IM “I don’t think this is going to work out between us, because I’m kind of seeing someone right now”. Why would he ask me out if he was already going out with someone else?! Over the summer, he wasn’t really on IM anymore, and then when 6th grade started, he never talked to me, and when my friends would talk to him about me, he just got mad. Then the summer before 7th grade he was back on IM, and we sort of talked. Then, it just so happened, that in 7th grade he was on my team (at our school, they divide everyone up in the grade into teams), but he was only in 2 of my classes. We sort of talked, but not like we did in 5th grade. Then, this year, in 8th grade, he was online at the beginning of the year a lot, and we would talk about different things, but he hasn’t been online for at least a month now!

Now, here comes the strange part. Last year in 7th grade, he would constantly stare at me, and he was extra-nice to me. Yet, whenever me or my friends would ask Andrew if he would go out with me, he’d say no! This year, we’re on different teams, but we’ll be in the hallway and he’ll look right at me and he’ll smile at me! It’s like he puts a spell on me; one night I’ll be mad because he hasn’t been online in a month, but when he looks at me, I just get really happy and smile right back at him, as if I never was mad at him! He has lots of “girl” friends in 9th grade, which I know he hangs out with a lot, and I can tell that they really like him. All my friends think we would make the perfect couple, yet he doesn’t even want to give it a try! So what am I supposed to do? He gave me all these signals that he likes me, yet he doesn’t want to talk to me in school or online (at least, thats what it seems). This is a huge problem, since I’m starting high school next year, I really want to be able to look for other people, but I know he’s going to be on my mind, and I know I’ll probably see him in the hallway surrounded by the girls one year ahead of us. Give me some help, please!!

~Desperate for Explanation‘

Dear Desperate for Explanation,
Mastering mixed signals is an exhausting task. It sounds like Andrew is doing one of two things. 1.) He is finally realizing that he is attractive, and smart, and fabulous and unfortunately it has blown his ego completely out of proportion. If this is the case, he is seeing how far and how much he can get with his new found confidence. The second possibility is that he just isn’t ready for a relationship with you. It’s a total bummer, I know, but sometimes guys are finicky about girls they like. You can’t force something he isn’t ready for. If you feel most comfortable talking to him online, the next time his screen name blinks onto your buddy list, say ” I know you aren’t interested in a relationship right now, but I’m not interested in playing games and the mixed signals you’re giving me aren’t cool.” Let him know that you respect his decision, but also let him know that he has to respect you. I wish I could tell you that these “I like you, I don’t want a relationship” games end once you reach high school….but they don’t. I am in college and still going through it. I CAN tell you that high school is awesome. You will finally come into your own and be a completely stellar chick. If you are worried about not being able to find anyone else or that Andrew will suddenly be bombarded by a bunch of babes and lose complete interest in you, DON’T BE. The leap in maturity level from middle school to high school is astounding, and you are going to find that you are a self respecting girl who knows what she wants and has the confidence and poise to gracefully deal with whatever comes her way. I am glad that my heart was broken in eighth grade, because I entered high school thinking it was a fresh start. Take advantage of the possibility to reinvent yourself. You WILL find someone else. I PROMISE you. Don’t be afraid to explore different options. If someone else seems interested in you, take the chance and get to know him. Don’t wait for Andrew to come around, you may miss out on opportunities that could change your life.

Good Luck!
Jana