I’ve always enjoyed spending time with my extended family during the holidays, but I’m afraid I’m going to miss it this year. Even if we do everything we used to, how am I supposed to make the best of it with all the tension going around?

—Millie

Gotta love family—the good, the bad and the ugly. Unlike friends, whom you get to choose, family is for life, no matter what. With the holidays coming home, a lot of families may experience tension. You’re not alone. Not everyone is every single family gets along all the time. This is real life, not the movies. And in real life, people don’t always agree on everything.

It seems as though your mom and your aunt’s problems have nothing to do with you. They’re adults and they probably have adult issues, which shouldn’t cause you to worry. The best thing you can do is show support to both sides.

Picking sides or favorites will only make things worse and both of them should understand that. If they ask you to pick sides, kindly let them know you love them both, but you’d rather not make a decision. Hopefully, they’ll respect that.

The holidays can be a time of tension within families, but they don’t have to be. Take a deep breath before you go to family gatherings and hope for the best. You can only account for your actions. What everyone else does it out of your control.

Playing the peacekeeper can be exhausting and puts way too much pressure on you. When you sense things getting a little tense, politely excuse yourself from the situation and find a cousin or other family member to talk to who isn’t involved in the drama. Don’t forget, holidays can also bring out the best in people. So maybe, just maybe, everyone can put his or her issues aside for some family fun.

Lots of love,