Dear Carol,

I have been cutting myself for three weeks and feel so bad about it. I started doing it because I’m lonely and angry. A year ago a boy broke my heart, but I didn’t cut myself then. Please help. I want to stop.

-Cutting

Dear Cutting,

It’s brave of you to write me. I’m so sorry you have been feeling so down. I wish I could wave a wand and help you feel better and convince you that the boy didn’t break your heart. It might have gotten bruised, but it’s still whole and ticking, and it’s yours, not anyone else’s. It’s time for you to start to be as nice to yourself as you are to other people. Can you promise yourself you won’t cut anymore? Can you get rid of the instrument you were using? Can you confide in a parent or aunt or teacher or counselor or friend or call an anonymous hotline? Try, too, to get more sleep and to eat nutritious meals, as this can affect mood. Get more sunshine and exercise—it can make you feel a bit brighter. And do more of what you like to do: reading, taking walks, listening to upbeat music, watching fun shows or insightful movies like Inside Out and Inside Out 2. Keep up with schoolwork, too, since excelling in at least one subject can give you a boost of confidence. The main thing is: Don’t hurt yourself, and be gentle with yourself. You deserve to feel better—and you will. I applaud you for reaching out to me before things got worse.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.

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