Dear Carol,

In my grade, the girls always decorate lockers when it’s someone’s birthday, surprising them with candy and notes. It’s getting to be my birthday, so Friend B and Friend C took over the locker-decorating group chat and kicked me off it. The GC talked about what I like, my favorite colors, favorite Starbucks drink. Then someone—I don’t know who (Friend C didn’t name names for my sake)—said: “She’s not really part of our group, so let’s not decorate her locker.” There are 35 girls in the grade, and at least 20 agreed that I wasn’t cool enough to have a locker surprise. Of course, Friend B and Friend C made their own chat to decorate my locker themselves. I was starting to be popular for once, but now I’m hit with this. The whole grade is coming to my party that my parents spent tons of money on…but they can’t even decorate my locker? I feel what they did was inconsiderate, and I cried myself to sleep last night.

-Excluded

Dear Excluded,

I hope your birthday bash is lots of fun and that your locker gets decorated—whether by a few close friends or a posse of less-close ones. I get how this was hurtful, but I’m glad that Friend B was looking out for you. Also, why the heck did Friend C spill words that were bound to be upsetting? That was lame. From now on, instead of hoping to be popular with everyone, think about which individuals make you feel good, and spend time with them. Friend B for sure. Who else? Birthdays often come with a side of stress. Try to enjoy yours, however it unfolds. And this locker tradition? I bet it’s making others feel bad, too. You have 35 girls in your class? That means you’re all averaging a locker every week, and it’s got to be hard to keep that fresh and exciting and fun for all.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.

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