CRUSHES

Ah, young love. It ebbs and flows and sometimes crashes and burns—but it sure is something, right? If you're currently in your first relationship, you probably realize how exciting and chaotic it is. Dating is a wonderful way to learn what you like (and don't like) in a partner, and are great ways to learn more about yourself, too.

Although being in a relationship can be rewarding, it can be very stressful as well. Whether you've noticed concerning patterns in your relationship or you just realized you were better as friends, there are *so* many valid reasons to end your first relationship. 

So if you're currently debating the age-old question of "to be or not to be," keep reading, because we've rounded up 10 dating dealbreakers that you should take into account while making this oh-so-important decision.

1. The conversation feels forced

A *very* clear sign that your relationship may need to be reevaluated is bland conversation. You want to be in a relationship with someone who stimulates your mind, so if you feel like you're talking to a brick wall, they're probably not that person. If your conversations with your s/o don't fulfill you, it might be time to kiss those boring convos (and the relationship) goodbye.

2. Your interests don't align

If your bae is constantly rejecting your date ideas or seems uninterested in your hobbies, they are probably not the best match for you. Whether you're the girl who wants to spend all day exploring museums or the one who wants to play a game of spontaneous game of pick-up soccer, it's important to date someone who enjoys the same things that you do. Even though opposites attract, it's healthy for your significant other to want to spend time with you doing the things you love. Doesn't sound like your bae? Don't worry, there are *so* many people out there who would love nothing more than to spend the day doing your favorite hobbies and activities.

3. They don't make an effort to include you with friends

Picture this: you're spending the afternoon with your boo and their BFFs when you realize that they've been acting differently around you when they're in front of their friends. Respect is *such* an important part of relationships, and any attempt to undermine that is a major red flag. You deserve to be with someone who wants to show you off and include you in their social life (bc you're amazing, ofc). Talk to your significant other about your feelings, and if they rule out first-relationship jitters, it might be time to move on to someone new.

4. They're flaky

Do you *constantly* find yourself wondering if the plans you have with your bae are actually going to happen? Do they have a tendency to cancel plans without notice, leaving you feeling unprioritized? If so, you might be dating a flaker. Being with someone so wishy-washy can breed resentment and make you feel as though your relationship isn't valued by your significant other. Before you make a decision about whether or not to end the relationship, think: is this a pattern? Do I predict this happening again? Do they genuinely feel bad? Depending on your answers to these questions, it may be time to end it.

5. You find yourself unhappy when you think of them

TBH, you'll just *know* when it's time to end your first relationship. If you feel anxious when they cross your mind, your gut may be telling you that your bae is just, well, not worth it. If your relationship is no longer bringing you joy, there is no point in dragging it out. Take control of your destiny, girl.

6. You disagree on the "what are we?" question

The lines between a situationship and a relationship can get murky, especially when it's your first. If you and your bae disagree on what your label is (say, you're ready for a relationship and they're not ready to commit) don't fret...unless it starts to feel like they will *never* be ready. Being on the same page about the nature of your relationship is *super* important. If your bae can't give you what you want, don't beg for more. Know your worth and know when to step away—especially when you're not getting what you deserve.

7. They refuse to communicate

Without healthy communication, maintaining a stable relationship is practically impossible. Have you ever had someone expect you to read their mind rather than just *tell* you how they feel? It's frustrating, we know. Here's the thing—establishing a communication style in a relationship can take some time, especially when you're in your first relationship. Do your best to set a communicative tone in your relationship, but if they don't reciprocate, it may be time to let your relationship go.

8. They insult you

POV: You and your bae love joking around with each other, but one day while you're watching TV your bae compares you to a character they *know* you hate. What started as a funny joke soon turned hurtful, which is not okay in any relationship, let alone a romantic one. Do not let anyone, especially someone who is supposed to like you and care for you, put you down. Distance yourself from this negativity, queen.

9. They're judgmental towards you

Your relationship should be a safe place. A relationship is only enjoyable when all parties feel like they can be themselves, so if you have to stifle your true self to please your significant other, it's so not worth it. In your first relationship, it is easy to settle for a person who you *think* you should be with. Our advice? Toss all of your preconceived notions out the window and think, "Do I like who I am when I'm around this person?"

10. You idolize the idea of them

What if the way your bae actually acts doesn't align with the perception of them you have in your head? It's no secret that people have active imaginations and that this sometimes leads to thinking that someone is way better than how they *actually* are (esp if you had a long-time crush on them before making it official, eep!). Be mindful of this to prevent yourself from latching onto an idea rather than a person, because at the end of the day people *are* humans with flaws.

What is your #1 relationship red flag? Let us know by tagging us on social media @girlsifemag

In need of more crush advice? We've got you covered: 

💖 What is love bombing and how can you spot it?
💖 10 simple tips and tricks for flirting on social media 
💖 How to actually get over a crush 

by Ari Sheinberg | 3/24/2024