Whether you're in a new school or just a new class, it's always good to try to make new friends – but sometimes making new friends is easier said than done. To start your year off on the right foot along the path of friendship, follow these four steps and you’ll be making friends in no time!
Step One: Meet Some People
If you want new friends, you’ve obviously got to find some new people. If you’re starting at a new school or at least have some new classes with some new people, this shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Consider step one complete, and move to step two.
If you are in the same school with all the same people, you may need a little extra help. This is where your current friends come into play. When your friends have parties or invite you out for a group outing, that’s your chance to branch out. Maybe your friend’s friend brought a friend (stay with me here) who seems really nice, or someone brought their son, who’s really funny (and possibly cute and crush worthy, too?!). Whatever the situation, there is usually at least one or two people at group events that you don’t know (or maybe you’ve met before but haven’t gotten to know yet) who could be potential new buds!
(Tip: When all else fails (or just plain gets old), joining a club, playing a sport, or volunteering (in your school or community) can also boost your chances for meeting new pals.)
Step Two: Make a Good First Impression
As much as we may hate it, the cold-hard fact is we all judge people. It’s just a natural instinct (the same one that protects us from potentially dangerous situations, like lurking creepy old men or dark alleyways). So, before you even attempt to call someone ‘friend,’ you’ve got to make a good first impression – and you only get one chance.
How? It’s all in the way you present yourself. And I don’t just mean the way you dress – it’s also in the way you talk, act and treat others. You don’t have to change yourself or be the best dressed kid in class to make friends, but appearance does make a big impact on a first impression, as it’s the first thing about you that people see (and ultimately judge).
So nip their inaccurate assumptions in the bud and present a positive image of yourself – walk with your head up and a smile on your face and make eye contact when talking to someone (shows confidence and security), be considerate to others (if they see you’re a good friend, they’ll be more likely to want to be your friend), and just act friendly in general (if you are approachable, they’ll feel more comfortable with you).
(Warning: While trying to make a good first impression, don’t lose a sense of who you are. Be yourself – you’ll end up with more problems down the road if your new friend all of a sudden realizes you aren’t who they thought you were.)
Step Three: Talk to People
Now that you’ve met some new people and represented yourself well, you’ll want to talk to them. Breaking the ice is usually the hardest part for anyone, so try introducing yourself on the first day of school to the new people who sit near you. They’ll probably be relieved that someone talked to them, and it’ll help make you seem somewhat outgoing (even if you generally aren’t) and friendly.
Once you’ve got their attention, try to engage them in some small talk and ask questions to keep the convo going. It’s as easy as a compliment, (“That’s such a cute shirt, where’d you get it?”) a question, (“How do you think you did on that test?”) or pointing out similar interests (“OMG you like Fall Out Boy, too? [as you point to the “I <3 FOB” scribbled all over their binder] I really wish I could’ve seen them this summer…”).
(Disclaimer: Too often, shy people get a bad rep as being snobby or anti-social because they’re just too scared to talk – don’t let this happen to you! Even the most outgoing people have reservations about approaching people and initiating conversation, but the difference is they take the chance. So muster up some courage and break that proverbial ice with a smile and a “Hi!” Once you get the ball rolling, it’s all downhill from there.
But watch out – talking too much can sometimes get you in just as much trouble as not talking enough. Aside from being annoying if you’re too talkative or hyper, you can also accidentally talk yourself into a hole. Watch bragging about what you did over the summer, gossiping, or over exaggerating. You might end up putting yourself in a position where you seem materialistic or untrustworthy, so watch what you say.)
Step Four: Invite People
Now that you’ve taken the time to get to know these new people and to establish a friendly rapport with them, invite them to hang out. Whether it’s sitting together at lunch, calling each other for homework help, or going to the movies on the weekend, this will give you a chance to really start bonding and move past acquaintanceship into friendship.
One of the best ways to invite someone to hang out for the first time is to include other people they know, too. Plan a group outing with some mutual friends and then invite them to come along. They’ll be more likely to join because they’ll know someone else and feel more comfortable – plus it’ll help make the outing seem more casual so you don’t come off as desperate or clingy.
Offering to work together with someone on a class project or to tutor them when you notice them struggling is also a great way to show off your friendly, caring side while initiating the chance for a little more personal interaction.
(And BTW: These four steps, with a little adjustment and some flirting, work for getting to know that super-cute boy you’ve had your eye on, too!)
-By Jessie Merryman
SHARE YOUR OWN! Give us your best tips on scoring some fab friends. Help a sister out!
BY ANDREA T. ON 9/21/2007 7:30:54 PM 88 COMMENTS