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ADVICE | DEAR CAROL

Feel left out of Dad's life

 

 

Lately, I’ve been feeling left out of my dad’s life. Ever since he got a new girlfriend, I feel she and I have to complete for his attention. It’s very hard to talk to him because he’s not a full-time father.

 

 

Dear Needs Attention Too,

Ouch. I get a lot of letters like yours, and it makes me wish I could write to the dads and not just the daughters. Since your father can’t read your mind, you’ll have to tell him how you feel. Don’t say, “You pay more attention to her than me.” Instead try, “Dad, I miss you.  I don’t see you often enough, so when we do get together it means a lot to me if we can do something, just us. What do you think?” I hope he realizes he’s lucky to have a daughter who loves him. If all else fails, leave this magazine open on his desk with a Post-it that says, “I confess—I sometimes feel that way.”

 

 

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For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com or like her Facebook page.

 

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BY CAROL WESTON ON 6/15/2012 12:00:00 AM

POSTED IN , , , , ,

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27 Comments | Add Yours
SORT: OLDEST FIRST | NEWEST FIRST
 

What do I do? Im a sports fanatic and my dads crazy about me... when im in my equipment. I feel like my dad only cares when im the perfect daughter! Dad says it's not true then he goes off and ignores me! Life has been getting hard when this goes on because confronting him doesn't work! Someone have any advice for my sports crazed dad?

by bumtree on 5/20/2013 11:43:30 AM

 
 



mod mod mod
i need help . my dad left before i was born and i just found him on facebook ( im 13 ) i told my mum and everything but i have found out he was violent to my mum Frown i recently moved out of my mums exs house i knew him forever and i see his children at shool all the time Frown im not rich and i get jealous of other people !! i suffer from depression and self harm Frown please help me !!!! ;(

 

Hey girl, I am so sorry! I would suggest talking to your school's counselor. She will probably want to meet with you on a weekly basis, talking out things that are going on with you. -- Talking out your problems with another adult is a great way to start feeling better. 


lauren r.

by sunriseXD on 4/13/2013 10:39:12 AM

 
 



mod mod mod !!!!!
My Dad is stressed out alot ! and when he is stressed out he does not like to talk to us 4 kids and me being the oldest i dont get any attention from him on a regulur schedule i want him to acually pay attention or notice me when he gets home from work and i want him to act more like im his daughter more then a stranger .... please help ?!?!?!

 

Hey girl! Is this something you can talk to your mom about?  Maybe she can step in and talk to your dad.  Or you can ask him if he wants to grab breakfast or lunch with you on the weekend when he's less stressed.  Talk to him about how you feel like you guys aren't very close- maybe you could go out once a week and get ice cream with him or go for a walk after dinner every Thursday so that you guys have time to catch up.  I'm sure he isn't ignoring you on purpose and would be happy to know you want to get closer to him. xoxo 


Kate G.

by kwarnecke2000 on 8/21/2012 3:19:23 PM

 
 

Your not alone I feel exactly the same my dad just took his girlfriend to hong kong and hardly texts me or call me Frown

by ashie333 on 8/17/2012 11:21:25 AM

 
 



HELP! This relates to this article. Well every February vacation my family takes a vacation. I am so grateful to have that. But just last night i found out were not going on any vacation this year! Frown This is because this February vacation my dad has to go represent his company on his OWN vacation and my family can't go anywhere. I can't handle it. All my friends go on vacation during feb vaca. This makes me sad and it makes me feel insecure about my family now. I try not to think about it and think about what i have that other kids don't. But it's just hard! We possibly may go on a vacation with my dad to the trip. But that probably won't happen... Every time i bring it up my mom says she doesn't want to talk about it. HELP PLEASE! Frown Frown Frown

 

Hey girlie! It isn't your fault OR your parents' fault that your dad has to go on a business trip.  I know it seems like your dad's going on vacation, but he'll be working and missing you guys.  There's no reason to feel insecure.  There are lots of things you can do at home while your dad is on his trip that you wouldn't be able to do on vacation.  Plan a couple day trips with your mom and a movie marathon or two.  Your mom is probably bummed about vacation being cancelled too, which is why she doesn't want to talk about it.  xoxo


Kate G.

by bridget.murphy134 on 8/8/2012 10:04:23 AM

 
 

i understand what your saying

by brianna2001 on 7/13/2012 6:33:14 PM

 
 


I here you! eccept that its with my brother.. My brother is really mean to me, I was really sad and latly my brother has been saying hes his favorite and that my dad hates me. What he said got to me and my friends saw that something was wrong and so i told them. I think that my friends are more family then my real family. But whats important is that you have to find a day that you and your dad can just hangout, and if he says that he allready has a date with his girlfriend stick up for yourself and plain the very next day with him or find a day for all three of you! Go to the fair! Or the movies! just have fun and maybe you will like her! GOOD LUCK! Helen S.

by silkyswimmer on 7/10/2012 4:58:12 PM

 
 

Hey i know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing happen to me, only it was my dads wife! She would do or say stupid little things like "she stepped infront of me in the doorway, and that really hurt my feelings." or She would go hide in her bedroom and tell my dad to come in there because she did't "feel good" and she needed to talk to him. So all you have to do is talk to your dad, and tell him how you feel, if you point out some things to him he might reailize whats happening and actually do somthing about it. You just have to be forward and remember you shouldn't have to compete with someone for your dads atenttion, if he really loves you he will see that your more important than some girlfriend.

by pinkglitter1999 on 7/5/2012 8:16:56 PM

 
 

How do you ask a question on Dear Carol?

by theawsomeone.2468 on 7/3/2012 7:23:57 PM

 
 

Hey Girlys!
Need Advice On Any of These

-Guys
-New parents
-Divorce
-Beauty
-Reading
-School!
Anything!
Or If You just wanna make some friends join the Fashion Clicks Club!

by kat.anime on 6/27/2012 1:13:30 PM

 
 




MOD MOD MOD
Im really shy when it comes to big groups.And I'll be going to high school next year. I know it's summer break and I really shouldn't be worried about it but it's bugging me. Every time I would have to present something in front of my class mates my voice would get quiet and it would start cracking. I know I sound terrible when I talk since one of my friends asked me if I was okay since it sounded like I was crying. It's so embarassing. I just wanna know how I could fix my problem.




Hey girlie,

Nah, we totally understand why you're thinking about it already - high school can seem scary at first! But luckily, it's totally common (almost everyone goes to high school!) so we have lots of articles to help ya. First, check out this awesome letter from the editor, Karen, about the first day of school. It can help to keep these things in mind because they make each day so much more fun! http://www.girlslife.com/post/2011/07/07/your-school-survival-checklist.aspx You should also remember that being nervous at first is standard - if you WEREN'T a little nervous, we'd be worried about ya! ;) But once you get there, you'll figure out your locker combo, where your classes are, where to sit for lunch, what your teachers are like, etc. Each day, it will get easier!!

And check out this article for help with the public speaking jitters. Again, completely normal! But there are ways to get more confidence and overcome those nerves - so read on Smile http://www.girlslife.com/post/2007/09/07/girl-talk-public-speaking-freaks-me-out.aspx?cp=all
Lauren C.

by Jazzyrock2213 on 6/24/2012 4:13:25 AM

 
 



mod mod mod!!!!
My mom won't let me get a cell phone until i'm 16!!!!!How can I convince her to get me a cell phone!




Hey girl!

You're definitely not alone in this situation. There's lots parents who won't let their kids get phones until a certain age. Think about a couple reasons why you want a cell phone. List the practical reasons (like being able to communicate during emergencies or calling if you need a ride home) as well as the other reasons (like being able to text or snap photos). Calmly explain these reasons to your mom in a mature way. You also need to show her that you're responsible and that your phone won't interfere with your school work or other obligations. If she doesn't give in, maybe you could negotiate an age to get a phone between how old you are now and 16. 
Rachael A.

by PlushPurplePanda on 6/22/2012 1:51:52 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
My parents are getting a divorce and want me to choose between them. I want to go with my mom but I don't know if that will hurt my dad?? Please help.

 

hey! I'm sorry that your parents are making you choose between them in their divorce; I think that puts a lot of unfair pressure on you. Since they are making you choose, if you want to live with your mom, then do it. This will affect a big part of your life, so you should do what you want to. Your dad will be ok with that. 


Helen S.

by ittietoto on 6/18/2012 7:08:30 PM

 
 

Hey girls!!
I haven't been on GL in a while but I'm back and eager to get back to giving advice to anyone who needs it!!!!
I'm 16..and have been through A LOT, and would be happen to help you through anything. No question's to personal or to weird..trust me I can handle it.
Ask me about absolutley anything..I can give you top notch advice in:
-guys
-family
-divorce & remarriage
-friends
-health & body questions
-beauty and makeup questions
-school problems or questions
-embarassing moments

...And just about anything else, like I can't think of anything you CANT ask me about.
So is there something you want to get off your chest? Something you need advice on? Or do you just need someone to vent or talk to, who will listen but not judge you?

My profiles just a click away chicas and I'd love to help you out<3
xoxo,
maggie183<3

by maggie183 on 6/16/2012 8:38:56 PM

 
 

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by Music's #1 Fans on 6/16/2012 1:27:25 PM

 
 

I feel your pain. My dads remarried, has a new baby..and really a new LIFE..that my sister and I really don't fit into anymore. But I'm not that close to him anyway..I never was I've always been WAYYYYY closer to my mom and my sis sorta bonded more with my dad. So it doesn't bother me to much but it does suck i know

by maggie183 on 6/16/2012 12:21:41 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD big problem with my dad hes a good dad and all but he works alot and because of school i never see him and i get lonely. At School i was always alone and i only had one friend so i broke the rules of my dad and went out for lunch with my only friend because i couldnt take always being alone and by myself ( She goes out for lunch and i stay at the school because my dad wont let me go out 4 lunch) but because noone really likes me but for her i went out for lunch with her and my dad found out and he HATES me now, he wont take my side of the story he just kept yelling at me and calling me names like (Loser, Liar, Descraceful,) And i cant take it whenever i do a worng he yells and wont listen to me i dont know what to do!





Hey babe,

I promise you he definitely doesn't hate you.  It's likely that he just feels betrayed by your decision, like you just didn't care.  You need to talk with him about it.  If you sit him down and talk calmly, he should get less aggressive about the situation as long as you remain calm.  You should try your best to apologize, keep in mind how he probably feels, and make sure he knows why  you did what you did. Jordan S.

by mozilla10 on 6/16/2012 10:10:33 AM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD!
This summer is going to take a nose-dive.
1. My stepdad is coming next Wednesday to stay, AGAIN.(Let's just say the first time was a total crash-course.)It's going to be so awkward. Last summer he gave me a 10:00 P.M. bedtime! >Frown I'm one year older and this time, I hope I DON'T get a bed time.
2. My mom is getting married on the first week of July,I'm only attending the after-party and we went dress shopping for me. We got this cute dress but, the only problem is, we already bought it and it came to the knee. My soon-to-be-stepdad doesn't like that. And he said, "No Heels" so I have to return my shoes.
3. I'm going to lose alot of fun priveleges that I have. like, no blasting music and singing off-key along, no more staying up late drawing,going to the pool without some sort of "lesson" and, Cry no more time on the computer/T.V.!
4. Back to school shopping will be a nightmare!
5. This year, I'm starting middle school. He's going to make it so difficult.

Hey girl,

Adjusting to a new adult in the family is never easy, but your stepdad probably just has those rules because he cares about you! Try finding some of the positive things about him and getting to know him better. If your mom likes him, there must be some awesome stuff about him Smile

Meghan D.

by Dee_Has_Cookiez on 6/15/2012 11:57:08 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD
heyy gurls!! I need advice! I like a guy lets call him S so I like S I think he likes me but I've only known him for a couple weeks but he's realyyy smart!Smile But we only see each other at swim lessons and they have 2 weeks leftFrown so I need a way to keep in touch with him! I'm not sure if he has a phone(I have one) or a facebook(I dont have oneSmile) we could see if our swim teacher could teach us on weekends for becoming a swim teacherSmile

Hey girl,

If you want to ask him for his phone number to stay in touch, that's not weird at all! If he doesn't have a cell phone, you could always talk to him on his home phone, too. It isn't weird to ask, you aren't asking him out but it will still give you a way to chat over the summer. Good luck!

Meghan D.

by Cupcake_queen_101_ on 6/15/2012 8:45:28 PM

 
 

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by cutiepie14231 on 6/15/2012 8:03:04 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
ok so i RELI lyk this guy, i honestly think im in love <3 but the thing is, hes moving nxt yr!! We're pretty gud friends and we lyk to annoy each other and tease each other (in a friendly way of course) and i hve his email and im pretty sure he lyks me bak, and i want to tell him i lyk him, but i dont want it to be awkward since we're such gud friends! Wat if he doesnt lyk me, the our friendship wud be ovr! I honestly dont want dat, so how do i tell him? I mean, i dont evn no if he considers me a posibility since we're gud friends! But at the same time, i think he lyks me..... I know this is confusing, but i reli need an answer! Thx, u guys r the best! Smile







Hey babe!

It's super hard that he's moving next year. If he's moving far away, it could be very difficult to start a relationship now because you wouldn't be able to see him very often. I would try to just keep being close friends. If, after he moves, you still have feelings and think it could still work, just call him up and let him know how you feel and how you would like to try and have a long-distance relationship. 
Kelly G.

by fashiondiva4 on 6/15/2012 3:15:57 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I'm very insecure, I'm shy. I don't know who I am. I want to be a scene kid but at the same time I want to be a girly girl. I dont know what to do because my mom tells me I act different and she says I have a bad additude, and I've seen her cry. I don't know what to do! I don't even know who i am. how can I find myself? Can I still be a girly girl and be a scene kid at the same time and how? and can I still listen to Evanescence if I turn girly? Can i still like anime? How can I be a gilry girl? and how can I be a scene kid? Help!




Hey girl,

Stop worrying so much! You don't have to fit into a certain "type" of person. Who says you have to fit any kind of mold? Be whoever you want to be and don't feel like you can't listen to something or can't wear something because it won't match with whatever type of girl you think you are. You can like whatever you want. Most girls this age are trying to find themselves and it can be very difficult to understand. The best thing to do is just not over-analyze anything. Like what ya wanna like. The rest will fall into place.
Kelly G.

by Rainbows_rawr on 6/15/2012 12:20:07 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Lately, my dad had been spending more time with my twin little sisters, and when my sisters do something wrong, I get blamed for it! Or when my sisters and I have a disagreement and either way (if I'm right or wrong) I get blamed for it! It's not fair! My dad yells at me all the time, and when I try to talk to someone about it they say he's not, but they obviously don't see him do it. Sometimes I wonder if he even likes me :.( please help!




Hey babe,

 Pick a moment when your dad isn't preoccupied with your sibs and ask if you guys have have a one-on-one chat. Explain to him that you're jealous of the time he spends with your sisters and that you wish you could talk to him more about things. Explain that you know he is busy but that you're hoping to find ways to spend more time with him. I'm sure he loves you just as much, but he probably needs to know you're feeling that way.
Kelly G.

by Redkyffin on 6/15/2012 11:22:16 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I don't. Know my dad very well because him and my mom broke up when I was 2 because he did some very bad things and ended up in jail. He has a new wife now and I have 3 older siblings I don't know and 1 younger. He lives in California along with some of my moms family. He wants me to come visit him but I don't know if I want to or not. I want to get to know my brothers and sister but I don't know if I want to meet him for the first time in four years alone. I'm scared somethings gonna happen but he says hes changed and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't know what to do! Please help!
Thanks sooooo much! This means a lot <3xoxoxoxo




Hey babe,

That's a tough situation. If some of your mom's family lives up there, why don't you stay with them and only do a short day visit with your dad's new fam? That way, you have the security blanket of knowing that if things are awk and you're uncomfortable, you can always call your mom's fam to come pick you up! 
Kelly G.

by GLrockz on 6/15/2012 11:18:00 AM

 
 

Clever tip. Smile

by fungirl123 on 6/15/2012 10:29:41 AM

 
 

aww i feel bad for you, he needs to understand you are the #1 girl in his life, and you are permanent. unlike his new gf

by j4zm09 on 6/15/2012 9:52:00 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
Recently, I've become OBSESSED with One Direction. My friend was graduating so I was looking at one direction stuff to give her and then after one day of looking.... I'm in love with Niall! It's the only thing on my mind right now! He's so cute but i have to think about something else besides him. Also, 1D is on tour again next year and I don't know if I still will like them by July next year, because I really want the tickets now.
THANKS SO MUCH!!




Hey girl,

If you're that in love with the boys now, I'm sure you'll still enjoy going to their concert next year. Since tickets sell fast, buying in advance is a good idea. 
Kelly G.

by Gabbyw123 on 6/15/2012 8:24:09 AM

 
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