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Dear Carol

Sick of Lies


 
My friend’s mom is a drug addict. They have no electricity or running water. My friend fabricates stories to make her life seem more normal. She is also boy-crazy. My friends and I are afraid she’ll grow up to be like her mom. Can you help us confront her about her lying?
 
Dear Sick of Lies,
How awful that your friend’s mom is on drugs and that they’re so poor. I don’t blame her for wishing her life were different, do you? Instead of rushing to confront her about lying, be compassionate and boost her with compliments. What do you like about her? Focus on that. She’s probably boy-crazy because she’s looking for accept-ance. She could use kindness in her life, so reach out to her rather than criticizing her, OK?
 

Want More Advice? Order Carol Weston’s Girltalk Fourth Edition: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You. It’s got the answers to all of your most important questions. So if you're looking for tips, quotes, advice, or just plain info about growing up, friends, boys, school, family stuff, substance abuse, or any problems big and small, check out Dear Carol's Girltalk or For Girls Only. They'll help you feel confident, inspired and energized!

 

SERIOUS STUFF? For serious issues, don’t wait. Visit our HELP! page now.


For more on Carol Weston, visit her website: carolweston.com.

 

BY ANDREA T. ON 10/10/2008 1:39:00 PM 76 COMMENTS

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76 READER COMMENTS

that would really suck





check out my profile and comment PLEEZ!!!!!




if u do, i'll comment on ur pofile (i u have one)

coca08 on 10/10/2008 4:00:46 PM

no comments. first i think!!!

surfergrlswt16 on 10/10/2008 4:06:14 PM

that may just work!

chocolategrl5 on 10/10/2008 4:09:04 PM

Frown

septemberxblue27 on 10/10/2008 4:20:39 PM

thats sad Frown

septemberxblue27 on 10/10/2008 4:21:03 PM

first comment!!
wow that must suckk...

kittycat102 on 10/10/2008 4:31:38 PM

Hi.

cjlizzy on 10/10/2008 4:43:23 PM

---------------------MOD---------------------------- please....respond to this. i just don't know what to do anymore.... my bf and bgf is amazing. i like him soo much. recently though, i found out some things i really didn't WANT to know about him. like in the past..he's smoked..drank...done things like that. it's been a few weeks since i found out and i'm still really upset. i tried to let it slide but....is this something i shouldn't forget? i just don't know what to do..i don't want to break up with him but----i just don't know..

 

Don't judge him by his past. See how he acts in the future. Smile L

Fluti3girl on 10/10/2008 5:02:30 PM

1st comment btw Laughing

Fluti3girl on 10/10/2008 5:03:00 PM

Awww that's sad. Cry

I'm glad that I don't have a family that is like that. Many people don't realize how lucky they are to have a good family.

And then there's the money. How can anybody stand to have no electricity or running water? How can you research for school, or stay clean? What does she do to wash her hands and shower?

Of course, no girl who has to put up with all of that could be perfectly happy (especially with the mom). Good luck to the girl who sent this in, and to your friend!

efourn63 on 10/10/2008 5:05:52 PM

I had a friend like that. Sadly, with her, it isn't a very happy story. Her dad left her family when she was a kid 'cause he attempted suicide and he had some sort of disease that put him in the hospital. He never called and it made her really upset. She never told anyone how upset it really made her feel until her dad had successfully killed himself. I still remember the night she called me, crying harder then I had ever heard her cry in my life. I went to her house with a bad full of chocolate and we talked for quite a while. After that, she started obsessing with getting attention from boys. After a while she cared more about her social status then me and she ended up hurting me really badly. She wouldn't even apologize. After that I was know as the 'social reject' and she was the... well, let just say she had a new boy every second day. No matter how hard I tried to be her friend, would leave me for boys or the popular girls. The point is, be there for your friend as much as possible because she needs it and she'll appreciate it (my friend did at the time, id on't think she ever forgot) but other then that, you can't control her life. She'll either become closer to you or she'll keep going down a spiraling path of doom. You can't control her. My friend ended up not being my friend for much longer but your friend might end up being more like a sister. Just be there for her and no matter how frustrated you get, don't leave her. I wish my friend was still, well, my friend. Appreciate her and let her know how much you care.

kcmprincess on 10/10/2008 5:19:02 PM

thats sucks!!:-( check out my profile and leave a comment please!!

cbb123 on 10/10/2008 5:42:09 PM

kcmprincess
that really sucks in am so sorry so tips and tricks for getting out of being a social reject though
first smile hard
second let yourself ooze with confindence
third make eye contact when people are talking to you let them know that you are paying attention and care!!
forth and final dress for success
good luck girlie

Hollerbackgirl on 10/10/2008 5:48:54 PM

Frown Follow Carol's advice. Tell you're friend that there are people out there that care, and to try and get help. She needs you to lean on because her home life isn't that great.

_savvygirl_15 on 10/10/2008 5:57:21 PM

Hey mods what's up?

i was wondering if u could help me with something, so i just found out that my two bgf's are friends with the biggest brat ever (let's call her barbie) barbie thinks she's so cool because all the guy's think shes hot and all that kinda stuff and she doesnt really like me. I told my bgf's a lot and when i saw i lot i mean like almost everything and i'm afraid they'll tell her or stop being my friend because of her please help.

luv ya,
laneybug24

laneybug24 on 10/10/2008 6:04:51 PM

Hollerbackgirl, hey, thanks for the advice but I'm not really a social reject. lol. That's just what she would call me in front of people, which was a super jerkish thing to do. I don't even care what people thing. As long as I have my friends, everything is great!! Anyways, that was a year ago. We both go to different high schools. But thanks!! That is really good advice!!

kcmprincess on 10/10/2008 6:43:29 PM

*********mod********* i was wondering if u could help me with something, so i just found out that my two bgf's are friends with the biggest brat ever (let's call her barbie) barbie thinks she's so cool because all the guy's think shes hot and all that kinda stuff and she doesnt really like me. I told my bgf's a lot and when i saw i lot i mean like almost everything and i'm afraid they'll tell her or stop being my friend because of her please help should i stop telling them stuff, ot worry about it or what? i'm so confused please help luv ya, laneybug24

 

if they are friends with her you shouldn't say bad things about her to them. Smile L

laneybug24 on 10/10/2008 6:51:51 PM

That would definitly suck to have o mom like that!! I was thinking how much I hate my mom right now!! so glad to have her normal ( my mom wont even drink alcohol thank goddness!)

lovebug_77 on 10/10/2008 7:01:43 PM

wow,that'd be really hard...my parents are alcoholics,but we still have running water and electricity

nirvanaluver on 10/10/2008 7:07:15 PM

mod

what r some cute shoes i can wear that go with everything, besides flip flops and flats?

morgan on 10/10/2008 7:26:33 PM

check out my profile

morgan on 10/10/2008 7:29:01 PM

Hey girlies!!! Check out my profile!!!!!!!!!!

Just got updated!!!!!!!!

jadehart on 10/10/2008 7:31:41 PM

Fluti3girl....
onee of my bgfs have done worse then that im talking the big IT plus sleeping with multiple girls and smoking he turned out to be a JERK!!!!!! but i love him soooooo what evs hes starting to get better but if he just did bad stuff and isnt a bad person just tell him ur concerned for him.

have_a_heart on 10/10/2008 7:40:53 PM

oh my gosh i am SO sorry. i had a friend who's mother was a drug addict. it was really hard for her... next time she lies about about her home life pull her aside and suggest that maybe she should just not say much about her home,even when other people talk about theirs. she could change the subject subtly (you may want to think about doing that for her as well. just start up another conversation when the other person talks about their home.)that way she's not lying. other than that, just be there for her, and let her know youll always pick her up when shes down. ask her if she ever wants to talk about it, and if she doesnt, dont push the subject. you may also want to tell her to be careful about the boy situation before she accidentally lets it get out of hand. Good luck and best wishes to your friend and her family <3

increasethepeace on 10/10/2008 7:49:30 PM

mod, sorry i have anothr question Tong. i only talk to my crush on AIM. i dont go on much-- how do i talk to him?? it would weird him out if i called him. and whats a way to ask him ou that doesnt sound like "asking him out"? *MKO* ps thanks x10 4 all u guys do Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

 

talk to him on aim some more. Then it won't be weird if after talking to him for a couple days if you called him. Smile L

luv2shop112 on 10/10/2008 8:15:10 PM

Oh man, that's tough. my dad's an alcholic, but hes getting a little better. i dont want to think and talk about it at school, so i just dive into schoolwork and convos with my besties. by just being their cRaZyYyYyY selves, i feel 10000000x better Smile try to be cheerful, change the subject when it comes up, and if its really bad tell ur mom or something.
*MKO*

luv2shop112 on 10/10/2008 8:27:46 PM

morgan--
maybe a nice pair of tan clogs??? i ♥ mine. or black leather boots, if ur the fashion-forward type. and seriously, black, white, and tan flats are probably a good idea to have on hand, they go with virtually ANYTHING!!! Smile

luv2shop112 on 10/10/2008 8:29:41 PM

im sad for her i no a girl like that and her mom is like that she tries too hard to be popular and she was really mean to me last year and called me the b word
*MOD*
i want to be popular how do i do that help

sbouyear101 on 10/10/2008 9:59:45 PM

sbouyear101.....
u dont want to be popular i tried and became best friends with these two popular girls lets just say im confused and a criminal plus too much drama you dont want it girl you really really dont

have_a_heart on 10/10/2008 10:33:17 PM

im just seeing if this is working. for some reason, my comments wont show up!! by the way, check out my profile!!

fruitsbasketfan95 on 10/10/2008 10:50:14 PM

MOD I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE!

okay, so there is this guy i like and this other guy i like. I like one guy more than the other right now, meanwhile the other guy asked me out a few days ago. After a few days i realized i didn't like having a bf, lets face it, i'm only 12 and i have my whole life to worry about that. Right now i just enjoy flirting with guys, not dating them. Soo...i told the guy that asked me out that i didn't think i was ready for a bf yet, and he said okay. So were friends now. Everything is good except i'm probably going to be the laughing stalk of the school, because of what i said to him,(the thing about i don't think i'm ready for a bf). Please help me...i don't know wat to say or do now. I'm so confused in thoughts and feelings...please help! Thank-you sooo much!

GIRLS! IF U HAVE ANY ADVICE>PLEASE TELL ME IT!!

ByeByes. Thanks.

hockeychic101 on 10/11/2008 1:05:08 PM

HI mod
I just wanted to say all of the mods rock Ive gotten advice a coupla of times and they seem pretty good i just wanted to say thanks. so Thanks!!!!!

basketballchic on 10/11/2008 2:51:06 PM

-Mod-


How can i tell my crush[who happens to be my best guy friend] that i like him?

-band-geek- on 10/11/2008 3:29:20 PM

wow that would be hard. just always be there for her and tell her she doesnt need guys to make her a better person!

check out my profile its awesome! especially if you like color gaurd!

lipgloss_luvr13 on 10/11/2008 3:39:29 PM

*****MODERATOR*****
and girls! plz help! is there any ways 2 get a guy 2 b interested in u without it being plain that ur flirting? the guy that i like doesnt give me the time of day.

mockingbird on 10/11/2008 4:34:33 PM

hockeychic101: if hes really ur friend he probly wont tell everyone wat u said. most guys dont talk about that stuff with their friends or anyone else. i think its perfectly fine that u told him ur not ready yet. help me with my prob plz.

mockingbird on 10/11/2008 4:38:23 PM

-mod or anyonee-

how can i tell my crush[who happens to be my best guy friend] that i like him?
-helpppp

-band-geek- on 10/11/2008 4:40:38 PM

laneybug24: tell ur bgfs not 2 tell barbie wat u said. if theyre really ur friends they wont leave u 4 her. help me with my problem plz.

mockingbird on 10/11/2008 4:44:15 PM

band geek~

hey girly, well i had a major crush on my bgf last lear, and we eventually went out. I never went out and told him i liked him, i just dropped suttle hints, and gave him chancces to return the fact that he liked me. I hung out and flirted w/ him a lot. Since he is so close to you, maybe don't straight out tell him, but instead drop hints of it. If he likes you, he should respond the same way your acting towrds him, if not, there are plenty of more fidh in the sea! Good luck!

: , )
summerswimmer

summerswimmer~still the same most amazing rockin' out girl on 10/11/2008 4:48:03 PM

mockingbird~

do any of ur friends kno anything aout him? judt ask him something like, "hey, i heard you liked the band(whover it is) wats ur favorite song by them?" try it for anyhting he likes, but if you don't kno much about it may be google it or something so you kno wat ur talking about.
: , )
summerswimmer

summerswimmer~still the same most amazing rockin' out girl on 10/11/2008 5:06:08 PM

This is to the girl who wrote this question.
I would just tell the girl what you think! Not the part about her being like her mom though. Most teens are boy crazy, so don't worry about that, but offer her to stay at you're house once a week or something! Then a least she'll know she has one good thing in her hell hole of a life.

Brui_hearts_you on 10/11/2008 7:34:15 PM

HEY ANYBODY I NEED HELP!! im going out with my friends this year for halloween and i usually just go out with my neighbors so i wanne be something cute that my mom would also approve of wat should i be??

EdwardCullensluv on 10/11/2008 7:50:07 PM

my grandma and my mom are murders to extended weekends not to mention i only get 4 through out the whole school!!! so i have plans to go to a movie with my boyfriend and do stuff with my friends like go shoping and i haf't to go to boring grandmas hous e for the whole weekend 4day weekend ang guess were i am right now i'm at my grandmas hous just about to call my boyfriend yo cancle the dinner plans and awsome movie we were going to go see because im at my grandmashouse!!!! what should ido besides sreaming at them.

just sick of it on 10/11/2008 10:27:32 PM

HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY

CHECK OUT MY PROFILE!!!!!&COMMENT PLEEZE!!!!!!

Smile Tong Tong Tong Smile

Puppy2700 on 10/12/2008 10:44:09 AM

MOD♥♥♥ I want to do cheerleading,and the tryouts are next year.... except I have never done cheerleading before, except in kindergarten. What do i do????

 

 

Hey Girl, totally go for it! Just practice and work hard, you'll have so much fun and make new friends and stay fit! Good luck. *Cara T*

jhluver4ever on 10/12/2008 12:27:07 PM

Hey, I'm really sorry your friend is in this situation. It must be really tough for her to live with a drug addict mother and have a house with no electricity or running water! She may just need a friend to lean on. So, don't go overdrive on asking her questions -- don't always be talking about it. She probably, when she's with friends, tries to forget about her home situation. So, be a shoulder to lean on when she needs you, but also help her have fun when she can.

ShopperSoccerGurl on 10/12/2008 1:02:59 PM

Awwwww! I'm sorry about your friend! But don't try to talk to her about it much,it'll make her feel worst about having a drug addict parent with a house with no electritity or water.Maybe you could invite her to your house after school or weekend or maybe every day to stay away from her mother a while.I hope this helps a little!Smile

perfect pink rice 2 on 10/12/2008 3:03:31 PM

that is so sad. i hope everything you try helps!

SportyBFF25 on 10/12/2008 3:20:05 PM

MOD on friday during lunch i was talking to my friends and then someone threw me a carrot.when i turned around a group of pretty girls(which are ugly they're not even pretty) sophomores and juniors were laughing.why were they throwing carrots at me?i dont even know them

 

 

Hey Girl, seriously please know that you are better than them, your more mature then they are, just ignore them and if continues to happen stand up for yourself. *Cara T*

Kimm23 on 10/12/2008 3:28:06 PM

MOD im a freshmen and i told my friend about it and she said to just take it as a compliment.she said that they were picking on me because they are jealous of me.because im prettier than them.but i want to get them back

 

 

Hey Girl, your friend is prob right, but dont get them back show them that your the better person, and if you show them that it doesnt bother you they will eventually stop. *Cara t*

Kimm23 on 10/12/2008 3:32:31 PM



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