Jana K.

is modding

Friends

GIRL TALK: The Odd Girl Out

My BFF has a close friend and whenever I can't hang out with her, she'll hang out with the other friend. It makes me really jealous though. I know I shouldn't be, but i don't know. And she asked me if her other friend could be something with us for Halloween too. I said no in the politest way possible because I don't like her friend. And her friend is one of the popular-followers, which really bugs me. help!

-Jealous

Everyone is allowed to have more than one friend. Maybe you are jealous because you see this girl as your ONLY friend and you are worried that if she ever starts hanging out with other people, you will be left alone. This is a reasonable thing to worry about but it should also be a red flag indicating that you need to get out there and meet some more people. It's OK to have more than one friend, in fact it's necessary that you don't depend on just one person. Meeting people cultivates necessary social skills. It was mean of you to say no to inviting her friend out. She obviously wants you to like her knew friend and I think you are being judgemental, which is closing you off to possibly gaining a new bud to hang with. Remember that if you are friends with the new girl, this means more quality time with you BF simply because you can ALL hang out instead of having to trade shifts. Friends change and they split up and come back together again. The people were once friends with won't necessarily be your friends in 5 years just like girls you hated a year ago could end up being your BFFs. Take it from me, i HATED my BFF growing up. But in 8th grade we ended up taking the same bus to school and she is my soul mate. Don't cut people off before actually getting to know them, they may surprise you. As my mom always says, " Say yes to everything except drugs." Being open to new experiences and new people is going to change your life for the better. I promise.

XO,

JANA

FRIENDS GOT YOU FRANTIC? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk!

BY ANDREA T. ON 10/8/2008 12:42:00 PM 50 COMMENTS

50 READER COMMENTS

First Comment!!!!

SportGirl22 on 10/8/2008 2:20:24 PM

i dnt agree w/ this solution b/c i have the same problem, but i just cant accept this girl. she is my ex bff and when my bff is hanging with me and her, i feel worse than a third wheel. i feel like a self-consious annoyed third wheeler. plus, my bff is really irrisponcible acting when around my ex bff.

ieatedchocolate on 10/8/2008 4:18:02 PM

Don't be jealous because that only leads to pain. Convince yourself that it's ok to make new friends, because it really is. This is about the toughest time socially that people go through. Teen years are tricky, so don't feel like you're the only one with friendship problems. You'll work things out soon enough.

efourn63 on 10/8/2008 4:26:52 PM

Second comment?

♥whoweheart on 10/8/2008 4:47:59 PM

lol i get kinda jealous like that too
happens to everyone

fuzzygirl123 on 10/8/2008 4:57:47 PM

Sometimes i think that is how my BFF feels about my other friend that I am really close to... I have tried to get them to et along. But i guess it is not really my problem...

ash987 on 10/8/2008 5:20:22 PM

MOD! I want to maybe have a slumber party with all my friends. I still have to ask my mom, though. How should I ask my mom and any ideas on what to do and a theme?

Hey babes, just ask her, its not that huge of a request. I think you should carve pumpkins and do that sort of stuff siince its halloween. xo JANA

xo sunshine ox on 10/8/2008 5:58:17 PM

ugh i know how you feel... i always used to be the same way. good luck, girly!

holapeeps on 10/8/2008 5:59:36 PM

That sucks that everyone couldn't be friends!!!!

lovebug_77 on 10/8/2008 6:30:55 PM

I think that everyone gets jelous at one point in their life... as long as it doesn't take over your life!!! I have sometimes felt like the extra wheel! Let me tell you it is not a great felling!!!!

lovebug_77 on 10/8/2008 6:33:38 PM

MOD-
I want to become a vegetarian, but my i don't think my parents would like it. Whenever I don't put meat on my plate, my mom guilt trips me into eating it. "Oh the marinade is really good, aren't you going to have some? I made it!" I want to eat healthier, but sweets are sooo hard to cut back on, but meat is something I wouldn't mind not eating (except for sesame chicken). How can I tell my mom?

Hey babes, its not a healthy lifestyle at all. You need to keep eating it or else you need to be suppliementing your diet with soy products to make sure you are getting the protein that is so very necessary for daily functions. It seems like you want to be a vegetarian for the wrong reason, which is my concern. You shouldnt become one because you want to be healthier but cant give up sweets. That defeats the purpose of being healthier. xo JANA

Courtney is a Courbit :-) on 10/8/2008 7:44:30 PM

The same thing happened to me! My old BFF was hanging out with this other new girl, and not really paying attention to me when she was around. I hated my BFF's other friend for a little more than a year. But, in this past year, we have actually gotten to be really good friends with her! Now, my BFF and this other girl still usually cling to each other, but I'm part of the group too wich really feels good. Try talking to the other girl instead of just sitting out looking bored.... she might be better than you think! There's a reason your BFF likes her so much!

Lexy5 on 10/8/2008 8:02:14 PM

Hi Mod!!! Okay, so it's finially time for us to move states in a day, (and I've asked for advice before but now I REALLY need it). My mom is going crazy packing, wanting me to help her with a lot of it. My dad is really relaxed about the whole thing... but gets mad really easy when I don't do something I'm supposed to do. My little brother keeps bugging me to help him pack his stuff up because he doesn't know what to bring. I have to pack all of my things up and then help everyone else, and still have time to breathe while my parents scream at me every 5 seconds! If I don't do what my parents want me to do they go nuts! I'm already nervous about moving and stressing enough as it is. How do I just tell everyone to slow things down a bit??? Thanks Mod!

hey babes, just try to stay a step ahead of them. They are stressed, you know this. Try to do stuff without being asked so they dont have to keep tabs on you. xo JANA

Lexy5 on 10/8/2008 8:08:36 PM

Hey thanks for the advice, I have kind of the same problem. It's hard for me to meet new people and warm up to them.

MunkQoo on 10/8/2008 8:31:53 PM

mod!!!-
just wondering,,is bike riding considered cardio? or is cardio just running, jogging, and walking? thanks!

Bike riding definitely counts as cardio! As long as you feel that the riding is strenuous.

-lauren

itss_ginaa! on 10/8/2008 9:13:01 PM

I KNOW THAT SITUATION GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT AIN'T NO FUN AT ALL!

I give you L-O-V-E!

kiekee on 10/8/2008 9:53:59 PM

hey girl! and everyone else who has this problem. i totally know where u are comming from. My like BFFL and i were really tight in 4th grade, then katrina hit and she was gone for a year. when she came back home in 6th grade, she was a different person. she started hanging out with the popular people and started having tons of BF's and not telling me. It hurt really bad and i was miserable and jelous. I was just so let down. in 7th grade, i became close with a new girl because well, i thought i had lost her for good. she got a taste of her own medicine and umm became friends wtih me again. ik this wasnt the best way for my problem to be fixed, but now were tight like it is 4th grade again. o and the new girl is our friend 2. so unless u can come to accepting this i dono what you can do. im not saying at all that your friend is going to leave you, and she probably wont i just thought i would share my story. try to let the new girl into your friendship. its going to be hard but every thing will be ok =] just try and branch out a little.

xoxoxoxoxo, J

heyyyyyyy on 10/8/2008 10:32:10 PM

MOD MOD MOD or other girls

what does first comment mean i have been seeing it in all the comments and idk what it means

graciegirl on 10/9/2008 6:55:19 AM

Hey girls! Check out my profile and comment on it so I can see what you girls think of it!

BurninUp_1233 on 10/9/2008 8:54:28 AM

MOD -- There's this one girl in my class who is really annoying. I mean, sometimes she can be really nice and fun, but she lies, cheats, and uses people. I used to be best friends with her, but then we slowly drifted apart a few years ago. She's started to become really close to my twin sister, and I think that she's starting to manipulate and take advantage of her. Like, she always plays sports at lunch, while me, my sister, and a bunch of our friends just sit and talk. She always makes my sister carry her lunchbox down, just so she won't have to go back and get it. When my sister forgets, she gets really upset. She also asks her to go with her to a lot of things -- like if she needed to retake a test because she was sick, she would ask my sister to wait for her. She's starting to become really manipulative, and sometimes she even insults her. I feel really bad, so is there anything I can do? Me and my friends are getting sick of it, because my sister doesn't really know how to say no. Sorry this is so long, but thanx!

Hey Girl,

Well it sounds like this girl just wants a support system. Your sister has to try and come around on her own. I think you all should maybe be her friend and be supportive but as far as wanting someone to wait and stuff she needs to learn to be a big girl and be independent. Be supportive and promote the behavior that is good. When she sees that you guys are supportive and willing to be friends with her when she is not lying, cheating, and making someone her servant hopefully she will get the message as to what she needs to do to have a good group of friends. Good Luck!

-Kyle

ShopperSoccerGurl on 10/9/2008 12:30:21 PM

**MOD**
I really like my best friends brother he is only a year younger than me. I asked my best friend to ask her brother who he liked.he said my other best friend is pretty hot and im okay but i broke up with him so he said he would say no if i asked him out.Im reallly sad right now and depressed. i feel mad at my best friend because he thinks she is hot and im just okay.People tell me im pretty but no guys ever ask me out.(but i am shy)what should i do to get over this???And how can i stop being mad at my best friend since she didnt do anything?

Hey Girl,

Well I do not really understand why you would have broken up with him if you like him. (If I am reading what you wrote correctly) I suggest that you stay away from BFF's siblings. It can create some tension. Like if you come over to hang out who do you spend your time with? Maybe you go over to hang out with your BFF but her brother feels obligated to entertain you as well, so these situations can get a bit dicey. You can't even discuss juicy details because it is their sibling and she def doesn't want to know, so what is the fun in that if you can't talk boys with your BFFs. I am shy too and I feel like I am always the third wheel because my friends all have a BF or someone they are dating. Try and be a bit more open and strike up a conversation so people can make some kind of connection with you. You can not blame your BFF and get over it and don't bring up her brother anymore it is not fair too her to put her in the middle. Good luck!

--Kyle

xoitssewxo on 10/9/2008 1:09:55 PM

Thanx Kyle! You give good advice!

ShopperSoccerGurl on 10/9/2008 5:40:42 PM

GL Readers!
My homecoming dance is on Saturday and since I'm a freshmen, it'll be my first year going. I was wondering if you had any 'been there, done that' advice on what I should and shouldn't do. Any help would be appreciated.

mnbeagle94 on 10/9/2008 6:05:58 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Dear MOD!!
i wanna say thanks for all you all have done. you all give great advice and are AWESOME!!!
thanks

emily96 on 10/9/2008 7:35:53 PM

MOD

HEY....

moosie on 10/9/2008 7:56:52 PM

**MOD**
I have a question... I've known my one guy friend for almost as long as I can remember. We've always been flirty, and I've crushed on him on and off before. Right now I've completely fallen for him, harder than I've fallen for him before, and I don't know what to do. A couple of weeks ago my friend asked him who he liked. He said he liked some girl Megan. A couple days later she asked him if he liked me. He said that he had lied about liking Megan, and that he actually had liked me, but he had just met a girl from another school that he liked. The next day my friend told him that I liked him, and he didn't have much of a reaction. We've been really flirty most of the summer and into this school year (which isn't really a sign, since this guy is a total flirt). I asked him to homecoming, and he said he would go. Ever since we said we were going to homecoming, everybody keeps telling him that he has to stop messing with my head, and that he can't keep flirting with me when I have feelings for him that he doesn't return. He swears to everyone that brings it up that he's not messing with my head, and that it's not like that. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. Does he like me? Does he not? Should I talk to him about it? Pleeeasse help me here.

OnceUponAHappyEnding on 10/9/2008 8:32:00 PM

MOD HELP

me and my bf been goin together 4 about a year. He call a girl and ask her do she want to go with him. HE also told my bestie dat he dont like me... But he be callin my cell fone... Cum on wat do u call dat. Should i break up with him or give him a chance?

&hearts; MOOSIE &hearts;

moosie on 10/9/2008 9:03:53 PM

HappyENding,
this is a Q for the Date Ball!!!!!!

Does this guy like OnceUponAHappyEnding?

Date Ball says:It's Looking Good!

check out my profile!!! i'll answer any of ur Q's!!!!

coca08 on 10/9/2008 9:08:37 PM

lately, i have been in these same situations, or one of my friends have. and its not fun or easy to get out of itm or this drama!

JonasBrothers_lover4ever on 10/9/2008 9:11:28 PM

OnceUponAHappyEnding--
he sounds kinda mean. messing with someones heart is an awful thing to do. i would pass up on this guy-- there r tons of fishies in th sea!!

luv2shop112 on 10/9/2008 9:14:56 PM

I have a prob like that,mod.
My ex-BFF and her clique(my other BFF's)
run away from me, my BFF,and her boyfriend.Her boyfriend is extremely nice! We were hanging with each other and then we went to hang with the "clique" my ex-BFF hates me so she leaves (running) laughs and tells the others to follow her. They do. My BFF tries to follow them saying: 'Comon maybe they're joking.'We tried squeezing through and chasing them but they run away again. Then, we waited to try it again and I just said"You guys go.I'm the problem." Her and her bf both say:"No your not their just being *****es. They're twisted minds think its funny." Not to me.Well,when they went down alone without me and they didn't run away them! Each time I try to hang they just huddle closer and keep me out.
My mom thinks it's funny...IT'S NOT! I think it's because I hang with new friends more than I do with them. My mom thinks it's because their parents are divorced and their jealous mine aren't.My other BFFs in a diff group....NONE of their parents are divored and I've NEVER fought with them. What should I do?? What's the prob...Is it me or them?

Princess411 on 10/10/2008 4:39:14 PM

***MOD***
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

I really REALLY don't know who my friends are. I feel like I can't trust anyone and that all of my friends have a best friend and stuff. I feel like crying all of the time because I feel so.....left out. Another bad thing is that my BEST FRIEND can't come to my birthday party. It really sucks mainly because she got grounded cuz of bad grades, I almost cried when I found out she couldn't come. Lastly, I have a friend and it always seems if she is trying to make me jealous, the thing is that it is just irritating and ANNOYING and sometimes she gets jealous so she tries like to get back at other people. PLease help me with all of my problems!

M1sspink135 on 10/10/2008 9:09:36 PM

ok i have three friends, shanya alyssa and lace.
i started to hang out with shanya and alyssa i always knew since kindergarden. but i didnt really know shanyas friend lace. i started to like lace. then she went to a different school. and my bff shanya told me that lace never really liked me and shanya stood up for me and told lace that she can hang out with who she wants. and now i dont think i like lace as much as i used to. and shanya ALWAYS hangs out with lace after school like every wednesday and it makes me jelous. i know i shouldnt. but i do. and tomarrow is my friends birthday and lace is going to be there. im going to try to be nice to her and stuff but she always ruins birthdays. she ruined mine and alyssas and shanyas little sisters. she always gets mad at shanya!!!!! i hate it. and shanya doesnt do anything!!! she just gets mad. then she leaves early and it makes everyone sad. im sick of it. i hope she doesnt do it to shanya. my mom says it is because she just wants to get attention and i think she is right!!

sbouyear on 10/10/2008 10:10:56 PM

~MOD~MOD~MOD~MOD~
Okay so i had this BFF, annie. we were sooo tight and told each other everything! But she has been reading the "clique" book series and is trying to act like the main character, massie! This year she has become totally self-centered, concieted, and all that other stuff! Me and my other two friends r sick and tired of her new attitude. we tried telling her our feelings on the "new" her, and she changed for, what, one day? then she went back to being all self centered and keeps flirting with my three year crush, and brags that he likes her back! So me and my two other friends warned her again recently. but she just brushes off w/e we have to say and thinks we're joking. Now she's mad at me b/c an e-mail about a plan two to get the old her back accidentally got sent to her. mod, what do me and my other friends do? WE MISS OUR OLD BFF!!

I think you should ignore her and not bother trying to change her. Hang out with your other friends. She'll come around. L

candyxmountain on 10/10/2008 10:23:19 PM

***MOD***
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
I really REALLY don't know who my friends are. I feel like I can't trust anyone and that all of my friends are always doing stuff with other people. I feel like crying all of the time because I feel so.....left out. Another bad thing is that my BEST FRIEND can't come to my birthday party. It really sucks mainly because she got grounded cuz of bad grades, I almost cried when I found out she couldn't come. Lastly, I have a friend and it always seems if she is trying to make me jealous, the thing is that it is just irritating and ANNOYING and sometimes she gets jealous so she tries like to get back at other people. It is sooo annoying andI try so hard not to get irritated by it,but still I just can't! PLease help me with all of my problems!

Hey babes, you have a lot of friend issues. The first thing you need to do is understand that people change friends. Its OK if your friends are doing things with other people, you need to do things as well. As for your birthday, you could always move the date so that she can make it. Thirdly, girls like that are awful to be around sometimes. Speak up in a kind way and let her know that her behavior lately has ben really upsetting. xo JANA

M1sspink135 on 10/10/2008 11:38:40 PM

***MOD***
Thanks Jana! I know that people make new friends and stuff and that is what I am trying to say. I am trying to break away from the girls who break me down and not build me up, but whenver I try to find new reallly good friends I can't because they all have best friends. That is what I meant earlier, but thanks still, for the advice, and I wish I could reschedule the party, but she is grounded (for a loong time) and my party is at laser flash so very tough to reschedule. Thanks though again again! haha please help with my other problem though idk what to do mainly because there are only like 20 girls in my grade so it is very hard to find new friends.

Hey girlie, just because they have best friends doesnt mean you cant be friends with them. You gotta work with what you have. My best friends now had best friends before I was friends with them, you just gotta switch things up. xo JANA

M1sspink135 on 10/11/2008 10:11:18 AM

MOD

Okay, so I have three friends who I love dearly, but they are super controlling. Today there is the homecoming dance at my school, which is really excited about going to with another one of my friends, but my three other friends want me to go to a church dance. I don't really want to go. The problem is, how to I break it to my three friends that I can't go to this dance that they invited me to a week ago? I was planning on going, but then I found out that homecoming was the same night, and I had been planning on going to that for even longer. So of course i'm going to homecoming.

It's also a problem because my three other friends are really big gossipers and rumor-spreaders. If I don't go with them, they'll call me a ditcher, plus a ton of other nasty things behind my back.

So how do I tell them that i'm going to homecoming, not the church dance?

littleduckiesocks on 10/11/2008 2:25:45 PM

OMG i can totlly relate

PINKIEprincess on 10/12/2008 12:13:55 PM

********MODERATOR********* Just recently I got back in touch w/ a friend that I have not spoken to in 2 years! So, naturally, things have changed. But, today, she told me shes kinda become a "bad influence". Like, she smokes and drinks and shes only 14 or 15 years old! She said she's not the kind of person to force that on me, and I still wanna be friends w/ her. Is it ok to be friends w/ her even though shes a "bad influence"?

Hey girl!

Yes you still can be friends with her. Maybe your good will rub off on her. But if things get bad like she tries to pressure you, tell her you have to end the friendship until she gets better and some help.

<3 Brianna

♥take_me_away♥ on 10/13/2008 7:17:38 PM

i have a friend just like that, actually!! i was too nervous to ask her about it in person, though, so i asked her about it over email. she actually agreed with me!! she said she felt like our friendship was kinda tearing apart, and now were kinda back together again. if she is really your friends, dont be afraid to tell her how you really feel!!

ilovesoccerballs on 10/14/2008 3:36:01 PM

mod could you please help me?
I'm the president of my Girl Scout Troop, meaning I plan the meeting, keep everyone on track, and run the meeting. The problem is these three girls. They do nothing, and I mean NOTH-ING, but goof off. Its really annoying because the always choose the same group so the other person has to do all the work. They also never listen when I'm trying to talk. I've tried talking to them, but they just act like I'm being a jerk. I would talk to the leaders, but one of the girls' mother is one of them. What do I do?

Rac Rules on 10/14/2008 4:39:41 PM

***MOD***
How come in the polls and stories and advice you guys think everyone has a crew? I have many different friends and there isn't just one group, because we tried that and some of us wanted to hang out with more people. So I was just asking.

Hey babes, usually girls might have a bunch of friends but a small group of best best friends. xo JANA

M1sspink135 on 10/16/2008 6:34:46 AM

include the girl. i have been that girl b4 and trust me, it isn't fun. all of my friends are really close b/c they were in all their classes together last year, but i wasn't. So at the start of the year i felt ssssooooo left out. just start to include her more, you don't have to become best friends with her, just make her feel wanted. it makes such a big difference and it will make her feel better about herself.

julz414 on 10/18/2008 6:04:35 PM

****MOD****
Okwell, i met this girl over the summer bcuz she lives right next to me and we were really tight. We are both new to the area where we live and don't know anyone. Since school started she has been mad at me about 5-6 times for reasons unknown.well i know the first one becuz i yelled her crushes name at homecoming but we got over that and now she is mad at me again and wont talk to me. I tried asking her why she was mad at me bcuz i honestly dont know why it is that she is mad at me. And it's really getting on my nerves and i feel like i shouldnt be friends with ehr anymore bcause she is being such a brat about it!!!!!!! HELP **MOD** AGAIN!!!

Hey babes, if you have tried to talk to her and she isnt being receptive then take a break. See if things cool down a little. If you matter to her she will come around. xo JANA

kln1997 on 10/22/2008 4:16:15 PM

I have a problem my enemy she is like sitting with us at lunch and she just got kicked out of the other table and then she got kicked out of another but she thinks shes our friends but really veryone hates her at the table and one day my friend micheal hes a guy ( i sit with to of my best girlfriends) and then i sit with all guys anyway ummm he said that no one wanted her here and now i feel bad casue the next she didn't sit with us and hten she went to the other table with my other closer friends but they don't like her either so sooon enough i hope she doesn't get her feelings hurt

bluegirl_14 on 10/28/2008 7:44:47 PM

MOD mod mod mod yeah i have a bigga promlemo i got my parents to say yes to the profile but it still says pupliccly when i say what do they see why isn't it being seen?

Hey babes, publically means it IS being seen. Click the privacy box and make sure it isnt checked. It will also say private if it hasnt been modded yet. xo JANA

bluegirl_14 on 10/28/2008 7:46:02 PM

Thnx jana yeah ummm very one check out my pg

bluegirl_14 on 10/29/2008 7:26:23 PM

MOD-- hey um i have this problem........ well it sorta happened a week or two ago but there's this girl in my grade (lets call her B) and i was talkin' to B in homeroom and she was going to have 2 of her friends (lets call them M and A). so we were talkin about what they were gonna do for halloween (cuz it was halloween that day) and she said that they were gonna hang out and drink "lemonade" but then she added... "w/ something in it" so i asked what and she said-- "dont tell anyone, but beer".... so i thought we're only 12! and i dont want anything to like happen to her cuz shes my friend....... apparently B, M, and A have been drinking lemonade and alchohol for a while now and they say that they only add a little to the lemonade but it still sorta freaks me out because we r only 12! idk if i should tell anybody..... like should i tell my mom or try to talk it over w/ my good trusted friends or should i just stay out of it??????? pppppllleeeassse respond asap! thanks.

Hey girl!

Yea 12 is a VERY young age to start drinking and it is not cool if your friends are trying to be cool. You should talk to them about it and if that doesn't work and you think that they are harming themselves then talk to your mom about it.

<3 Brianna

fieldhockeyfreak on 11/3/2008 7:38:29 PM

MOD-- hey someone check out my page!!!

fieldhockeyfreak on 11/3/2008 7:44:06 PM

Some people grow out of friendship. I have lost many friends striving to be popular(if you know for a fact that is what she is doing). The best thing is to just go with it. There is nothing in your hands. This friendship effects two lives. Just try to remember next time she does this that you are a prize!

MILKSHAKE44 on 11/19/2008 7:51:45 PM

POST A COMMENT

You must be signed in to post a comment. SIGN IN or REGISTER

LOGIN OR SIGNUP