Jana K.

is modding

The Problem is Me!

GIRL TALK: Consumed By Jealousy

For the past couple of months I've been consumed by jealousy. Almost everything makes me jealous. I think it's because I'm very insecure about myself and I don't think I'm very pretty even though my friends tell me I am. This week was homecoming week at my high school and when I looked at the voting ballet for homecoming queen I became jealous of every girl on the list. They were all popular and pretty. I've always wanted to be like them and have people actually want to date me and I've always wanted to have the confidence that they have. How can I overcome my jealousy because it's not fun and I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

-Jealous

Here’s a quick and friendly fashion tip for ya: Jealousy looks good on no one. It’s only natural to feel jealous every once and a while. After all, you’re human. But being jealous all the time? So not worth it and so not healthy.

It’s very good that you seem to understand the source of your jealousy. Congratulations, this is the first step to becoming a better (non-jealous) person. Now, let’s focus on the positives and do away with the negatives. You say you don’t think you’re very pretty, but your friends think you are. Unfortunately, sometimes you can be your own worst critic.

Make a list of at least five things you absolutely love about yourself. But before you start jotting down some physical characteristics (eyes, nose, mouth, etc.), list those non-physical traits, such as your personality, sense of humor or intelligence. What’s on the inside counts way more that what you see on the outside.

Once you start focusing your attention on all the great things about you (and pay less attention to those other girls), your confidence will naturally rise. Remember, everyone—even those so-called popular and pretty girls—feels jealous now and then. Trust me, I know I have! But you shouldn’t let it consume you. Most importantly, try hard not to compare yourself to other people. There’s only one you and you’re beautiful, babe!

Lots of love,

L’Oreal

ARE YOU THE ONE CAUSING ALL THE DRAMA? CLICK HERE to submit your own problem to be answered on Girl Talk!

BY ANDREA T. ON 10/6/2008 2:17:00 PM 44 COMMENTS

44 READER COMMENTS

Thanks 4 the advice L'Oreal! Who's modding? P.S. first comment!

Hey girl,

Chardae's modding right now.

singerintraining9101112131415 on 10/6/2008 3:13:13 PM

ya, i get jealous sometimes too,especially with guys...

nirvanaluver on 10/6/2008 3:58:20 PM

great advice L'Oreal =D

fuzzygirl123 on 10/6/2008 4:21:11 PM

MOD MOD MOD MOD MOD
Dear MOD,
Please help!
i really want a boyfriend. there is this guy who i really like and he really likes me. i kinda want to go out with him and i know he wants to go out with me. the problem is that my dad will NOT let me have a bf. should i go out with the guy i like and not tell my dad (or mom b/c she will probably tell my dad)and just keep it a secret? and why are dads so overprotective?
thanks!!!

Hey Girl,

Most girls are often end up making the wrong decisions when they hide things from their parents. Your dad just wants the best for you. Since your mom is not as overprotective as your dad, talk to her about why you feel the need to have a boyfriend, and see if she'll talk to your dad about it. If they decide against it, it's best to trust their judgment.

Chardae B.

emily96 on 10/6/2008 4:29:34 PM

english: check out my profile
french: verifiez mon profil
Spaninsh: compruebe mi perfil

ckeck out my profile (please)! oh and leave a comment

whitecoconut on 10/6/2008 4:58:25 PM

MOD

i have these skirts that my godmother gave me and they look really cute on me! but i want to wear them to school but i dont like it all when people are like "OMG! UR SO PRETTY IN THAT!!" or "CUTE!!!!!"
I feel weird when people do that but i know i should get over it.
any idea how to get over people screaming that i look cute and people staring?
thanks

Hey girl!

Don't feel weird about a complement, it is good for your self esteem.

<3 Brianna

baseballchicky16 on 10/6/2008 5:41:57 PM

mod
how do i destress?

Hey girl!

Doing yoga, exercising, watching a movie.

<3 Brianna

maine lover 4 ever on 10/6/2008 6:15:21 PM

yea i get jealous all the time! Of one particular girl though! She's a grade younger than me but yet everyone thinks she's awesome and like the best prettiest girl out of everyone! (She's in the seventh grade )i'm in eighth. And i like this boy in my class who she likes too and she knos i like him but she always cum up to us at recess and is like "i was textin 'him' last night bla bla bla! i think he likes mee bla bla bla" uggh! i cant stand her!!!

neworleans_chic on 10/6/2008 6:17:11 PM

yeah i know how you feel

but what i would do if i was jealous a lot i would think about negative things that may come with all those things you are jealous of
maybe you'll see they aren't that great so just be yourself!

hockeybaby55 on 10/6/2008 6:34:59 PM

Hey Mod & girliess
Ok so my school is having a halloween dance for the gr 6 and 7's. Theres this guy in my class who I like and want to ask. I think he likes me cuz i always catch him looking at me and i donno i jsut this he does. Anyway what are some ways you can tell a guy likes you?? And if i do decide to ask him to the dance, what can I say and do guys liek it if you ask them in person or should i get a friend to do it??
Thankss <3

Hey girl!

Definitely ask him in person, doing it through a friend makes u look like a coward. Check this out to see if he likes you.

http://www.girlslife.com/post/2008/08/18/The-Secret-Language-Of-Like.aspx

<3 Brianna

lil-gurly on 10/6/2008 6:44:35 PM

Ohh and by the way, those girls that you are so jealous of have insecurities and flaws too. They feel pretty much the same as you at one point or another. Everyone has things they like and disliek about themselves

lil-gurly on 10/6/2008 6:47:10 PM

Yea, i get jealous easyly too. well mainly when it comes to guys. Like me and this girl use to be friends, and well i really really really like this guy still ever since we broke up. Well the other day she told me she liked him. Then it was liking she was flirting with him. I kinda flew in at her and now we barly even look at eachother..

blue*eyed*beauty on 10/6/2008 6:49:13 PM

MODS!! I have major self esteem issues too. I'm not the prettyist girl, and their this one really pretty girl, who all the boys have crushes on-even the guy i like, so now i hate her. Ihave like serious jealaus probs too. I'm always comparing myself to her, and thinking how ugly i am and how lucky she is. How can i stop being so jealus and see myself equal to her??

Hey girl!

Maybe seeing a therapist can help you get tools to build yourself esteem, they know best. Also talk to your parents about helping you build confidence in yourself.

<3 Brianna

littlemissme! on 10/6/2008 7:05:01 PM

****Mod & Gurlz**** this really hot guy in 8th grade & i are kinda close. He always pokesx me n da ribs or plays with my hair and one day we even swapped backpacks! He is a major hunka nd scored 5 outa 7 touchdowns @ r homecoming game! I really like him! But today he did something I dont like. He grabbed me under both my arms and picked me up just walking and almost pushing me up against a wall. I like him but that just made me a little unconfortable. IM NOT TELLING AN ADULT!!! So what else can i do about this?
Ok so im in 7th grade and

Hey girl!

If you feel uncomfortable then you need to tell him that and if he doesn't stop you tell an adult right away.

<3 Brianna

squidlysyd95 on 10/6/2008 7:21:11 PM

MOD For the past few days one of my new friends have been so annoying and mean. She always picks on every little thing I do like how I eat or talk or even go to the washroom! Then she laughs at me along with my closer friend and I know they think it's just a joke, but I can't stand it. Sometimes I just want to leave. The problem is this annoying friend has turned my closer friend meaner too. It's like they both gang up on me and laugh at their inside jokes which I don't understand. My BFF notices how annoying this girl is too and turns out most people don't like her. My close friend likes her a lot...So what do I do? Thanks.

Hey girl!

You can front your friends and tell them how their actions are hurting your feelings. And this is not the way you are supposed to treat friends.

<3 Brianna

MunkQoo on 10/6/2008 7:38:25 PM

**MOD**
I have a question... I've known my one guy friend for almost as long as I can remember. We've always been flirty, and I've crushed on him on and off before. Right now I've completely fallen for him, harder than I've fallen for him before, and I don't know what to do. A couple of weeks ago my friend asked him who he liked. He said he liked some girl Megan. A couple days later she asked him if he liked me. He said that he had lied about liking Megan, and that he actually had liked me, but he had just met a girl from another school that he liked. The next day my friend told him that I liked him, and he didn't have much of a reaction. We've been really flirty most of the summer and into this school year (which isn't really a sign, since this guy is a total flirt). I asked him to homecoming, and he said he would go. Ever since we said we were going to homecoming, everybody keeps telling him that he has to stop messing with my head, and that he can't keep flirting with me when I have feelings for him that he doesn't return. He swears to everyone that brings it up that he's not messing with my head, and that it's not like that. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. Does he like me? Does he not? Should I talk to him about it? Pleeeasse help me here.

Hey girl!

Just ask him yourself, tell him you want him to be honest with u and ask him how he really feels about u.

<3 Brianna

OnceUponAHappyEnding on 10/6/2008 7:50:51 PM

**MODD**
(Sorry, another question)
Every since my crush said he would go to homecoming with me, I've been super nervous. I've gone to dances with my friends before, but never with a guy. I know nothing about that kind of stuff. How can I get my nerves to go away?

Hey girl!

Just play a trick on your mind and pretend you r going to the dance with friends so u won't be nervous.

<3 Brianna

OnceUponAHappyEnding on 10/6/2008 7:54:54 PM

MOD
my friend fernanda has self esteem probems and she never feels good about herself but she always tries to make me feel bad.she says that im anorexic and that i eat too slow and that i have small boobs and all this other stuff.and she's like "i have perfect boobs and a perfect body"and im like what is her problem. i dont know what to do.i think that she is jealous of me because guys flirt with me and tell me im pretty.my friends tell me im pretty too.so i dont know

Hey girl!

If your friend has self esteem problems you need to help her get help to build her esteem up.

<3 Brianna

Kimm23 on 10/6/2008 8:00:48 PM

MOD
would it be possible 2 skip 2 grades even if ur not getting straight a's????
thanx!!!!

Hey girl!

No, in order to skip grades you have to be some kind of genius who is super smart and needs to learn at higher levels.

<3 Brianna

smartblonde123 on 10/6/2008 8:06:38 PM

MOD
but she talks behind my back.you know what i mean??whenever im not around her she talks bad about me

Hey girl!

Then she is not a true friend, so stop being friends with her because friends are not supposed to talk about each other behind each others backs.

<3 Brianna

Kimm23 on 10/6/2008 8:16:16 PM

MOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any tips on how to start getting in shape and sticking to it??? I want to join the dance team and become an actress, which i cant do at my weight, so i want to get fit and start a better lifestyle, but i always wind up losing intrest. is there any way to spice up the getting fit process? i want advice from girls or mods! plz help, and thank u!

Hey girl!

Jogging or running is always good. Swimming and yoga and other active sports help you get into shape.

<3 Brianna

dream_of_dance123 on 10/6/2008 8:22:47 PM

feeling jealous is just a regular feeling that comes to everyone every once and a while. When im jealous, i think of all the kids in Africa or Jamaaica that have so much less that me and it helps me to feel content with what i have. Learning to realize what you DO have is a great way to start to become thankful, instead of becoming jealous of everyone else.

ilovesoccerballs on 10/6/2008 8:34:01 PM

MOD
theres this boy that i really like and he likes me back.he walks me home but whenver im next to him i get kind of nervous.he always stares at me .and he thinks im pretty.he asked me if i want to go to the movies and that he'll pay for everything.i want to go to the movies but im nervous about my first kiss.im pretty sure that he's gonna want to kiss me

Hey girl!

First kisses are always awkward so don't worry about it. Just be relaxed and have fun.

<3 Brianna

Kimm23 on 10/6/2008 8:41:42 PM

thanks brianna

Kimm23 on 10/6/2008 8:45:57 PM

MOD!!!!!!!!!
Quite a few guys like my BFF and they say that she 'soooo hott' and everything, but it makes me feel weird when I hear stuff like that. We look almost the same, so why don't guys ever say that stuff about me???

maybe they do, just not around you! L

em9508 on 10/6/2008 9:11:16 PM

MODDDD!
This may soung really gross and weird, but sometimes I drool. I'll be talking and all of a sudden some spit just slips out and gets on the table or something! It's so nasty! Is it normal and how can i stop or at least prevent it from happening while Im at school!!??? THANKS SO MUCH!

marina_24242 on 10/6/2008 9:24:40 PM

I get jealous of people too! i even compare myself to my buds but it's natural to be jealous of people. you just got to remember you're one of a kind!!

Jenster on 10/6/2008 11:12:12 PM

hmm yeah i hate when people put looks before personality.
and seriously, practically EVERYONE does it and it makes me so sad cause i'm kinda in the same boat as you.
Not only that, i feel very disorganized in life and it makes me feel like crap, since i have a million things going on and it's hard to keep track. And then I look back on the good days, like in middle school and stuff, and I'm jealous of myself back then. Can you believe that? Jealous of myself for being prettier and more innocent and smarter than now. -sigh-
Plus I felt like even more crap cause the guy I liked so much when he was my last resort [no one else really left to like] got a gf and didn't give a crap about me, and the other guy i couldn't tell if he liked me, and the other one i never see anymore. I'm all over it but it leaves little bruises I guess. :/ I guess I don't know who to like now since all the boys would rather have a sexy mama with a 'hot' body perhaps like my friend than me, and all i am is a skinny little girl that's not all that special. And I wonder why did I ever date anyone, why have I been liked by guys, they must be stupid, cause I'm not the hot girl they want. Guess I just won't think about it and go with the flow of life, and maybe when i'm not expecting it, the good will come to me.
Well what I can say is it's hard to cure it for yourself, but I like giving advice, so as leoreal said, list the positive things about yourself [unfortunately i don't do that cause i get too lazy listing things like that, ones that i can just think over in my head], and constantly tell yourself, 'i'm pretty, i'm nice, i'm awesome, i'm smart, etc.' and trust me you'll feel better!

^^pheww that was long haha

[c]awkward!~ on 10/6/2008 11:39:15 PM

thnx for modding my comment brianna, i will try the advice!!!!!!!

dream_of_dance123 on 10/7/2008 5:40:13 PM

MOD! or girlies!
okay. i kind of have the same prob as the story above. i get really jealous o mi friends & i've tried listing things that r fab about me, but the things that i want seem 2 b more and i don't think i'm ugli or anything i just think i'm not as pretty as the girls at school.i'm startin 2 get REALLY depressed & plus i've been havin a bunch of probs happenin at home (i won't go in2 details) & now i'm jus feelin depressed & stressful & i don't kno wut 2 do! please help, cuz i think i'm goin outta mi mind here. sorry this is soo long.thank u soo much. this will b waay helpful thnx x1 000 000!!!!!!!!

Hey babes, you NEED to stop comparing yourself. You cant change your looks and you cant chance your life, all you can change is your attitude. Use your friends as motivation to be successful. xo JANA

tammyakamiko on 10/7/2008 6:22:49 PM

[c]awkward!~

omg we practically have the same problem.i dont like any guy right now.. and im 141/2 and im skinny little girl too.im 5'2 and im size 0 in jeans.i have too much drama in my life and im sick of it too.since yesterday i have been trying to have some "me time".i watch movies by myself and eat popcorn and it makes me feel better.i also read books now.but u should feel good about yourself because if u said that boys liked u, it means that u must be pretty or smart or have a great personality

p.s. hope u feel better

Kimm23 on 10/7/2008 7:14:33 PM

wow.. my friend kind has the same problem right now.. like it was homecoming just last friday, and there is this one girl who just flirts constantly with her bf.. and she hates it... and well yeah now sadly he broke up with her because hse doesnt like that one girl... oh the drama!

JonasBrothers_lover4ever on 10/7/2008 8:04:31 PM

Yay! I figured out the avatar thing!!

sparky4me on 10/8/2008 11:58:51 AM

********MOD*********
This is about profiles. I was sent an e-mail telling me that my profile had been approved, but whenever I click on the (what does everyone else see?) button, it says that my profile is not publicly visible. Can you please tell me what happened?

Hey babes, youre pricay button might be clicked. Otherwise I am not sure what the problem is. xo JANA

Christine Daae on 10/8/2008 5:52:36 PM

thnx a TON jana. i also told mi friends wut's been goin on (i wasn't actin lik miself & they asked) & they TOTALLY understood me. u were soo right about it. all i really needed was mi friends. lik i said b4 thnx x1 000 000!

tammyakamiko on 10/8/2008 6:36:11 PM

i have kinda the same problem. i had a major crush on my bgf, and when i told him, i was soo happy he liked me back, even tho he cant have a gf till high school (were in 8th grade). but then he told me he likes this girl more than me, cuz hes liked her longer since 3rd grade!! this also happens to be the same girl who ive been jealous of for months. she never has a pimple EVER, perfect hair, and super skinny. i wanna be super skinny and pretty too. cuz i dont think im the least bit pretty even though my friends, family, and crush tell me i am. now, its beyond jealousy. i feel as if the whole world is against me. people who everyone like are putting me down, and i feel as if im just a burden to the world and sometimes wish i didn't exist. i know i need help, what should i do????? ive never told anyone, because im scared of what they'll think of me. PLEASE HELP ME!

Hey babes,you will never be her, so it doesnt make sense to compare yourself to her. You can only be you. Youre taking this to a whole nother level. Focus on yourself, ignore the things you really cannot change and be happy in your life, thats true success. xo JANA

archuletafanxo1713 on 10/8/2008 7:52:58 PM

***MOD***
i know that, but im not happy with myself. its not just her, cuz im really not as much jealous of her anymore (i know that seems weird) but im still not happy with myself. i just can't think of myself as pretty or smart or skinny or anything like that. i have a pretty low self esteem right now. i dont wanna tell anyone cuz im scared of what they'll think of me. i know it seems like im exaggerating, but that's honestly how i feel.

If you feel like that babes, then you need to talk it out. Just talk and talk until you feel better, its such a release to get everything out in the open. xo JANA

archuletafanxo1713 on 10/8/2008 8:22:55 PM

***MOD***
who should i talk to?
sorry for all the questions, im just really confused.

A guidance counselor, a friend, a trusted adult.....

archuletafanxo1713 on 10/8/2008 8:50:00 PM

***MOD***

okay, THANK YOU for helping me SOO MUCH!!!

archuletafanxo1713 on 10/8/2008 9:05:52 PM

****MOD****
there's this guy who sits behind me in one of my classes and he always pokes me and is flirty and we fight over my hair ties and all kinds of weird stuff. I like him, and i kind of think he likes me (cuz he's so flirty everybody asks if we're going out) but he flirts with a lot of people and my friend likes him too!!! She only talks to him on facebook though and I talk to him at school and everywhere else. so i have 2 q's. do you think he likes me or is just a flirt? and if he were to askt me out do you think i could since i liked him before my friend and talk to him?? i don't wanna hurt anybody but ,i've never felt this way about a guy, not even the ones i went out with. thanks!!

Hey, Girl! Sorry for the “stock”
message. We’re psyched you’re here but since this is a super busy time, mods
aren’t able to answer personal advice or contest questions. We’re approving
your comments now so the girls can start offering feedback right away! If you
still have questions, please come back, we’re happy to help…or just let the
other chicas answer now! (They give awesome advice, trust us!) Love and thanks!
♥, Your Blog Patrol Babes

vballgirl94 on 10/9/2008 5:08:27 PM

MOD~there is thsi guy who i am pretty sure likes me i kinda feel the same way but he is new to my school and still has a girlfriend back in mississippi! what do i do?????/

luckeeenumber3 on 10/9/2008 9:24:14 PM

I totally understand your situation. When i was in 5th grade, my best friend was so perfect. I was absolutely jealous of her. And to make matters worse,she decided it would be "cool" to date the guy I desperately liked for 6 years!!! To solve my situation, I got new friends, looked at myself in the mirror and said," You are Molly. Erin cannot and will not ruin your life. She will always be better than you in something but get real. She can't kick a soccer ball for a thousand bucks." I focused real hard on my schoolwork and things I was good at. And soon enough, I was ready to apologize for getting mad at her for stealing MY CRUSH (which she didn't even like. She was trying to get ME jealous) Now, we still hate each other, but we don't talk to each other much. Focus on the good things about you. And don't make your friends tell you how smart you are or how pretty you are. You can make them feel self conscious too ya know. Hop0e this helped. It did for me. (A little bit!)

l8tebug on 10/10/2008 9:54:32 PM

HEY MOD i have a prob well ya see i have this really great guy friend who i've known for years and a couple days ago on the bus i was sitting next to him and he was being his normal weird self then sa girl i know told me that he did something to me so of course i believed her because who jokes about that and because i was so furious when he said something about the girl he liked i thought he said he wanted to do the same thing to her so of course i'd tell the girl he liked because she is a really good friend of mine too well when i told her it ended up making him sound like a perv. and a lot of other girls heard it too, but yesterday he came on the bus and was furious with me because everyone keeps calling him a perv. sooo long story short the girl who told me that thing wasn't serious and i was foolish to believe her and that other thing he said he claims to not have said and now is sooooooooooooo angry at me and i fell like such a B-word for starting a rumor unintentionally what can i do to make it up and today he is going to see the girls i told and i know i deserve this but i'm afraid he put me out as a total liar PLEASE ANSWER REALLY SOON I'M GOING TO A HALLOWEEN PARTY TODAY AND THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE THERE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Girl,

Honestly I am kinda confused but I think you should apologize to him. In the future don't believe what you hear from other people in the future because it can cause stick situations as you can see. Good Luck and enjoy yourself at the party!

-Kyle

miuluver789 on 10/31/2008 5:58:42 AM

wow, im not obsseded with myself, but ever since ive gotten contacts, i think im really pretty. i mean, i do have some breakouts, and not the perfect skin, or the biggest breasts, but i think im beautiful.

Jen0119 on 11/10/2008 3:25:23 PM

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Jana K.

is modding

The Problem is Me!

GIRL TALK: Consumed By Jealousy

44 READER COMMENTS

POST A COMMENT