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"What should I do if my ex texts me?"

You haven't heard from your ex in ages and then, BAM, they text outta nowhere. Seeing your ex’s name pop up in your phone can be tough, but we're here to help steer you through the awkwardness.

1. Remind yourself why you both broke up. 
You guys broke up for a reason, so keep that in mind before you respond. Whether the relationship ended badly or not, the reason you guys broke up should be considered before respond.

2. What are the person's intentions? 
If your ex has good intentions, they texted you because they wanted to have a casual conversation and know how you are doing. Ex's with less-than-awesome aims sometimes send vague texts "what's up?" or "I'm bored" or "I miss you," without following it up with anything specific. Keep it casual, but don't get involved with hanging out if you don't want to.

3. Take a minute.
Regardless of how things ended between you two, resist the urge to answer right away. The healing process is different for everyone, so think before you say anything back. 

4. Is closure needed? 
If it was a tough breakup and your ex says they want to talk, consider listening to what they have to say. (Could you two meet for coffee, to take some of the awkward waiting out of the text game?) Take one step at a time, and really listen. For some, closure (aka, everyone talking through their side of what happened, to gain perspective) can help. For others, it's just reopening wounds that are starting to heal. Think about what YOU really need, and if rehashing might be helpful.

5. Time has passed. 
If you and your ex split ages ago and the text just seems like it was random or sent out of boredom, feel free to ignore. If you two didn't stay friends and a ton of time has passed, why strike up a convo now? If it was a tough breakup and people got hurt, why get back involved with someone who casued you pain? Take a deep breath and let the text fade away in your mind.

Let us know in the comments if any of these tips help!   

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by Rachel Shvalb | 7/30/2018
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