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How to get what you want--without begging

It’s always tough to get your ‘rents to see your point of view, especially when you’re asking for something radical or expensive. Before you start reverting to...
39 Comments | Add Yours
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MOD
This question is for the moderator Helen S. Did you know that u put the EXACT SAME answer for two different questions? im not being that annoying person who complains, I just thought it was funny lol

 

hey! haha yeah, well sometimes when it gets really busy on the site I have responses that I have ready just in case things get hectic, that way I can get to everyone's questions and no one has to wait Smile Have a good saturday!


Helen S.

by mayanunna on 5/4/2013 3:13:32 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD.
So, recently my friends have got their nails done at the salon, they are so pretty. And I'm so jealous :/. My parents are a hard to crack when it comes to nails, but my mom wants to get hers done too! But I want mine done too! What do I do? How do I convince her to let me do my nails? HELP..




Hey girlie! I would wait until you have an occasion to get your nails done to ask them - something like a spring dance, a wedding, or a formal event. They'll be much more likely to say yes, and you'll have pretty nails for a dressy gathering.
Florence N.

by Emeilyovoxo on 4/26/2013 4:48:09 PM

 
 

Hey,

Okay, slightly unusual one here: All I've ever wanted is to be closer to animals. I have this whole life plan thing, so anyway. I really want to volunteer at a nearby stable, but I don't know how to ask. It wouldn't start for maybe three months, and it would be 9:00 am - 4:00 pm every Sunday for three months. If I send in the form really soon, then that should be over the summer. It's not so much that I think my parents will react badly, it's just that I used to pester them nonstop for horse riding lessons, and they just said 'No.' Once I ask too many times, they start yelling. If you have any ideas on that one, let me know them too please!! It wouldn't cost them anything, since its volunteering, and it's close enough for me to walk. I am a RESPONSIBLE 13 year old, and I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Please help me!!

DDTTD xxxxxx

by DreamsDontTurnToDust on 2/17/2013 6:51:37 PM

 
 



Hi mod
I want a cell phone really bad, but my mom says ask your father (I think that's a yes) And my dad says no! He gives me his o weekends and after work but I want one that i have all day in case of emergency! I tell them that but they still say no! I just want one so i feel safer! Like one time, We were touring a college for my sister, and after the orientation I stopped to hod the door for some parents, but then a huge crowd flooded the door and i was holding it for five minutes and lost them. Luckily i had dads phone and texted my mom so she was able to find me. See? What if that happens again and i don't have a phone? What would i do then? I'm not that "Text 20 different people and throw the $200 monthy texting bill at my parents kid" But im more of a "I might text a few friends every now and then but most of the time you won't get a $50 bill from me. I want one for emergencies/ keeping you posted as to where I am" kid. Why can't I get them to trust me and get me one? Help!

 

hey! The tough truth of being a kid is that you can't get your parental units to do anything. You can however, try to open a dialogue about your feelings. Explain your side in a non-whiney, calm manner. Don't interrupt or get angry even if he interrupts you or gets angry. That's unfair, but since he has all the power, it's in your best interest not to antagonize him. As in, you'll be more likely to get what you want if you are really, super mature. If he still says no, accept his decision gracefully. If he sees that you're not going to throw a fit for not getting your way, he'll be more likely to listen next time you want something. good luck!  


Helen S.

by lauren1104 on 2/7/2013 6:43:11 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I want an iPod touch. I've explained that I'll pay for it myself and I'll take care of it. I've said I'll only get free apps so my parents have to pay nothing. My parents know I'm their most responsible child. I'm 13 and in 8th grade, and they say I have to wait until I'm older. My sister was allowed to get an iPod touch in tenth grade. How do I get one sooner?

 

hey! The tough truth of being a kid is that you can't get your parental units to do anything. You can however, try to open a dialogue with them about your feelings. Explain your side to them in a non-whiney, calm manner. Don't interrupt or get angry even if they interrupt you or gets angry. That's unfair, but since they have all the power, it's in your best interest not to antagonize them. As in, you'll be more likely to get what you want if you are really, super mature. If they still says no, accept the decision gracefully. If they see that you're not going to throw a fit for not getting your way, they'll be more likely to listen next time you want something. good luck!  


Helen S.

by puella94 on 1/10/2013 7:31:43 PM

 
 

Mod Mod Mod!
So I kinda like this one guy, and he seems to like me back. The thing is my dad is one of those super overprotective dads that goes psycho if the subject of me liking a guy or a guy liking me comes up. I don't really understand why, I mean, it would make sense if there was someplace you could actually go on a date when you're 13 where I live (I live in a boring, small town). My crush doesn't have a Facebook, a cell phone, or an e-mail, is an A honor roll student, and is only 2 weeks older than I am.

Hey girl,

As hard as it is to believe, your dad is just acting that way because he loves you and cares about you. Maybe you could invite your crush over for dinner so your dad could get to know him better and see that you are growing up but are still mature, and that your crush is a great guy!

Meghan D.

by lol1029 on 1/5/2013 10:01:08 PM

 
 



Please help me. I have worn jeans all my life and I am 13. Lately my mom is on this new thing that I have to wear skirts whenever I am in public - even to basketball games! I don't feel normal and think that people will think less of me. There's this cute boy at bball practice but I've never spoken to him, and now I'm sure he'll never notice me even more! I really wish I could wear jeans like normal people, and sorry if I am sounding so down. Please make me feel better - thank you so very much!

 

hey girl! I'm sorry your mom makes you wear things that you don't want to. remind her that you should be allowed to express yourself through your clothing. she probably just wants you to look like a respectable young lady, but the two of you need to find a balance where she's proud of what you're wearing and you are too.  personally, I love wearing skirts and dresses. but if that's not what you're comfy in, you shouldn't be forced to wear them 24/7. good luck!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by ralinia on 12/5/2012 2:59:37 PM

 
 



MOD
this is kinda the opposite of this post. ok so my TV died and my mom and dad want to get me a new 300 dollar flat screen TV. But i dont want it!! I can watch TV on my computer so they dont have to waste 300 dollars on me!! But my dad thinks it would be unfair if i didnt have a TV (my mom understands but still wants me to have a TV) I just dont want it though!!!to me its a waste of money when i can watch TV on my computer and play outside. PLUS my room has been alot cleaner since i dont have a TV im hardly in my room! I really don't like the idea of them wasting money on a 300 dollar TV for me when i can watch TV on my computer, stay in my room less, hang out with them more, and be more active (even though im a tooth pick) How can i get them to see my point!!

 

Hey lilacmoonstream, convince them to spend that $300 on something else. Is there something else you actually need? Xoxo 


Lynae P.

by lilacmoonstream on 11/11/2012 9:56:48 PM

 
 

Well i want to wear makeup but my mom doesnt know about it but every know and then i will sneak some eye shadow on my eye she diesnt c it because i wear glass so she cant c it should i tell her

by mckenzie5200 on 11/4/2012 8:09:11 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD MOD
My dog, Thor, is really sick. He has a tumor in his spleen, and has a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I am sooo scared! I cry almost constantly because he is such a great dog, and all of my friends love him. He has lost 9 pounds. I'm so scared for the worst (you can call me a pessimist) but I always try to prepare myself for it, but this I can't! IM TERRIFIED! PLEASE HELP ME BE MORE POSITIVE!!! Thanks Smile

 

Hey pokemon_girl11, just calm down everything will be okay. No matter what happens Thor will be fine. If his tumor is healed, then  he'll be healthy. If not, he will be put out of his suffering since he is so sick. I think the best thing for you to do is be there for him as much as you can. Give him back and belly rubs, make sure he's always taking his medicine, and watch his diet. Give Thor a big hug for me. Hope this helps! Xoxo 


Lynae P.

by pokemon_girl11 on 10/21/2012 9:33:42 PM

 
 

My parents insist on me wearing khaki pants instead of jeans. they say they look better, but they're no not fashionable, expensive and get old really easily! Jeans don't wear out, go on sale a lot, are cheap, and have so many different styles. Whatever i tell them, they won't let me get them! I feel so not normal! what do i do to get a pair of jeans???

by Fruitluver043 on 10/20/2012 8:33:08 PM

 
 



Mod mod mod mod mod mod
How do i get my really strict jamaician parents to let me date. Im 10 years old but there is a guy im sure im in love with. I think he might ask me out and i dont want to break his beautiful amazing heart.

 

hey girl! if you ask me, you're parents aren't very strict at all! I know girls who weren't allowed to date until they were 16 or 17. Take it easy, there's no rush to grow up! Try being his friend for now, and if you really want to , tell him you like him. But remember to obey your parents, they are probably pretty smart!

xoxo 


Katie L.

by hgrules on 10/3/2012 4:37:08 PM

 
 

my dad won't let me have a facebook but my biological mom will and she already got me one and i asked my dad if i could have one and he said no and i asked why? and he said that i'm to young and i said that all my friends have one and he said he doesn't care and i don't kno what to do about it and i don't kno how to tell hi the truth and if i do... i feel like he's gonna ground e for a VERY long timehelp me!!!

by Beanie3213 on 9/26/2012 11:43:41 PM

 
 

I get what I want by getting good grades and doing most of what my parents ask. Then when I want something, I mention how good I have been. That gets me what I want most of the time from my mom and dad. But my dad is a softy and I can get things easily from him.

by fashionqn on 9/20/2012 1:33:27 PM

 
 

mod mod mod mod!!
i really want to start dating, (both of my crushes like me ) and my mom is totally cool with it, i mean im turning 13 in about 3 months and she knows both the guys i like... but my dad, now hes TOTALLY not cool with it, he said, if i get a boy friend he's gonna bring out his guns when i bring the guy home(meaning bringing out his shot guns and rifles and pistols, just to scare him!) he also growls at the mention of me LIKING a guy! what should do!

Hey girl,

If your mom says its okay, maybe encourage her to talk to your dad! It's normal for your dad to be protective of you, but all parents have to let go eventually. If your parents talk, your mom can explain that she knows them and maybe you can reach a compromise, like that you will check in with them throughout the night and be home by a certain time.

Meghan D.

by lilja on 9/15/2012 9:04:22 PM

 
 


i really want to start dating, (both of my crushes like me Smile ) and my mom is totally cool with it, i mean im turning 13 in about 3 months and she knows both the guys i like... but my dad, now hes TOTALLY not cool with it, he said, if i get a boy friend he's gonna bring out his guns when i bring the guy home(meaning bringing out his shot guns and rifles and pistols, just to scare him!) he also growls at the mention of me LIKING a guy! what should do!

by lilja on 9/15/2012 7:04:38 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!
I really need your help. My parents are seriously overprotective. Just this week one of my friends had a pool party, but my parents wouldn't let me go because they don't know her parents (they said i was going to get raped but my friend is a girl!). They won't let me go to the park thats RIGHT ACROSS MMY STREET(cuz it's "too dangerous"), they won't let me have an ipod touch (its not "age appropriate") and they don't let me go anywhere. Once my mom YELLED at a friend for asking me if i wanted to hang out. Its embarassing now because everyone thinks my parents are evil. Its really frustrating beacause they think i follow my friends around when all i want is to spend time with them outside of school. I get good grades, I babysit and clean the house. I'm not a bad kid. Please give me advice to try to make my parents relax and trust me




Hey girlie,

Check out this article about almost the same sitch! http://www.girlslife.com/post/2010/09/09/parents-ruining-social-life.aspx It's totally annoying, but it happens to a lot of girls. It might feel like you're alone in this "overprotectedness," but you're not <3

And check out this article for tips on how to talk to your parents to ask for what you want.

http://www.girlslife.com/post/2012/07/24/How-to-get-what-you-wantwithout-begging.aspx

The most important thing to remember is BE MATURE. Don't freak out, don't yell, and stay calm. Take deep breaths and try to understand where they're coming from, while also clearly explaining your point of view. It might take time, but take baby steps toward what you want and be willing to work with them <3  
Lauren C.

by juicypeach09 on 8/16/2012 7:48:37 PM

 
 

MOD MOD!?
I wear makeup regularly, when I go out I'll wear everything but foundation and sometimes concealer.
On an almost daily basis I wear mascara and lipgloss and I always have my nails done, the 'rents are fine with it.
But when I asked them if I can start wearing it to school they both totally flipped. They said no way. I know my bff is wearing nail polish and mascara and obviously lipgloss
All I wanted to wear was some Mascara, Lipgloss and occasionally some blush and nail polish. So far I only asked nail polish and they said no. I mean I'm going into 8th grade for crying out loud!
I am scared to ask them bout the rest now!
School starts in like 2 days, and my 13 bday is coming up on the 20th...maybe I should ask them once I am 13?
I don't know help!
Thanks!




Hey Girl, 

Why not try explaining to them why you want to wear makeup? They might think you're going for a wild and attention-grabbing look. Maybe you could try showing them the look you're going for instead. as for nail polish, maybe you could compromise and wear light shades or even clear polish? 




Best of luck!  
simone s.

by beauty_puberty on 8/7/2012 1:10:46 PM

 
 

well the thing is people think im weird in the bad way so i cant be myself or they'll think im weirder

by pandasrock292 on 8/7/2012 11:10:21 AM

 
 



mod?
how do i become more popular?

 

Hey chica! There's no "trick" to becoming popular, unfortunately it's all about how people feel about you.  As long as you're friendly and yourself, people will like you for who you are! xoxo 


Kate G.

by pandasrock292 on 8/7/2012 11:04:42 AM

 
 

Hey GL!

I am new here and I really want a friend on here like to hand out & stuff! And don't worry! I am a girl im 12 years old. And I really want to make some friends on here. So Message me on my profile!

xoxo

Butter

by butterfly9898 on 8/6/2012 1:46:35 PM

 
 

i want a cell phone and can't convince my parents to buy me one. they say i can use my friends. please help

by hellogdbyebebe on 8/5/2012 6:37:04 AM

 
 

UGH ITS SO FUSTRATING!! Ok so my mom wont let me get my second ear piercing and i really want it and shes like no and she says if u ask again i will take blah blah away and im like just listen to me! she wont even listen to me! my dads all chill about it he doesnt care my mom has three and pierced everyone of them herself... so i dont get what the big deal is! thanks P.S like all my friends have them and u look weird if u dont have them and this is my only other piercing i want! thanks again haha

by megsrosebud on 8/3/2012 12:14:35 AM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD!!!
OK so when any of my friends hang out together and i am not there i get jealous. Even if my friends ask me to hang out first and i can't! I don't know what to do because i hate being jealous about it help!




Hey girlie,

I totally understand! I hate missing social get-togethers and I always feel like, if I'm not there, my friends are all just going to become besties without me and leave me in the dust. But even as I type it, I know that's NOT true! Sure, I might miss out on some fun inside jokes by not being there, but I'll make PLENTY MORE memories and jokes when I hang out with them next. Try to focus on developing your friendships with your besties in your own way. You can't compare your friendship with someone else's - you're unique, so your friendships will be unique too. Remember to be proactive in your friendship and ask your crew to hang out - don't just wait for the invite. And the most important thing to remember is that ONE missed hangout isn't the end of your bestie status. <3
Lauren C.

by rachelnrocks on 8/2/2012 7:04:31 PM

 
 

I want 2 do pageants outcry rents say no help

by funnybunny2002 on 7/26/2012 9:53:23 AM

 
 

When I am trying to convince my parents about something, my best strategies are to give them logical reasons why it would be helpful and set out exactly how I would take on the new privilege with responsibility.

by supersingershannon on 7/25/2012 10:00:35 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD Well basically I really want to get into photography. I've always loved taking pictures, but I have outgrown my camera. I really want a DSLR, but they're about $800. There's many reasons I want it, but most of them I feel like my parents don't understand. I can't change ANY settings on my camera, it's fully automatic, and after getting to use some of my friend's DSLRs I realize how much better my pictures could become. I also want to get involved with the yearbook staff, taking pictures, at my school, but I can't do that without one. I've been asking for one for my birthday and Christmas for two years, but every year my parents just get me something else. I have about $200 saved up for it so far. And my parents are willing to buy me one of those detachable lens point and shoots, but I don't see the point in buying a $600 camera when I could spend a couple hundred more to get a much much better one. Any other things I can use in my argument??




Hey girl, it sounds like you're pretty serious about the photography thing, and that's great! Probably the main thing you need to convince your 'rents is that you're not gonna lose interest in the camera after they spend so much to get it for ya. So are you into other activities or projects that you've followed through with? If you can give them some examples of how dedicated you can be, that might help. Also showing that you've saved up a good chunk of money for it demonstrates that you really want it. And explain to them that you know how to take care of it and keep it safe, so they don't have to worry that you'll break it, either. If all else fails, you can always ask them and the rest of your fam and friends to just give you money the next holiday so you can get it yourself. Good luck! Smile 
Carrie R.

by acpowers on 7/25/2012 1:49:41 PM

 
 

MOD MOD MOD MOD!
What stores have really comfortable (and NOT expensive) bras? Thx! P.S. Sorry for all of my bra questions, but I am going bra shopping soon so I need the 411!



Hey babe,

If you're looking for some on the cheaper side, try out stores like Target or Kohl's, and maybe some department stores like Nordstrom Rack and Marshall's.
Jordan S.

by WinnieGirlie on 7/24/2012 9:56:13 PM

 
 

Please join my club Love Life and One Direction!!!

by gleerules101 on 7/24/2012 8:43:24 PM

 
 

facebooks soo addicting, but i got a twitter, and instagram, and pinterest, so it helps me with my facbook addiction, I've had a fb for a long time, and i got other things like the twitta and instagram and pinterest, Smile and i just asked my mom and dad for a cell phone in 4th grade and walla a cell phone, i told them if there was an emergency, they accepted that fact and got me one. i don't have a curfew thank gosh. i asked my grandma for makeup in december of 5th grade, i got a lot of makeup for christmas that year.

by angie333 on 7/24/2012 6:47:55 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD my parents want me to quit my outside-of-school musical theater program. they're thinking of swapping that with the school theater program. i've really bonded with some people from my outside-of-school place and they've become some of my best friends, and now my parents are making me throw that all away for something else. i understand that i will make new friends and experience a new program, but i don't want it to replace my old program that i love so much.

 

hey! I think that you've made a totally respectable and mature choice. tell your parents what you just told me. have a reasonable discussion with them about it and i'm sure they'll listen. good luck! 


Helen S.

by PuppyCT on 7/24/2012 6:37:53 PM

 
 



MOD MOD MOD
I realllllllllly want to baby sit. I am 12 years old, an honor roll student, and very responsible. I need some extra cash, and I love kids. I am an only child, but I have babysitted my little cousin before. I don't know how to start really babysitting. The only neighbors I know that have little kids don't like me very much... and so how do I get the word around I'm a sitter? I am 12, am I to young? BTW I plan on getting certified soon (that's not a problem) Laughing Thank you!!!!! I <3 the mag!!!!

 



Helen S.

by madisonk714 on 7/24/2012 5:43:58 PM

 
 

hey, calling any sweetie pies with curly fries on their head.
yes, you did read that right! a CLUB FOR CURLY HAIR!
this club is NOT for girls with straight hair looking for tips on curling, just for girls with curls and waves in their hair! all races, ethinities, and colors welcome! as long as you have curly hair, you're welcome.
Positions are open, just ask! we'll give tips, hairstyles, and recomendations. join today!

by briana13 on 7/24/2012 4:49:38 PM

 
 



MOD!MOD!!MOD!!!
Lately a lot of people at school(including some of my friends) have been getting iPhones. I have a regular boring cell phone that I use but all you can do are the basics. My iPod touch is pretty outdated but I don't want to get a new one because probably once I get a job, I will get a better phone. There is nothing wrong with my phone and iPod but they are annoying slow and not up to date. If I did get an iPhone before I got a job, I would probably pay for it but my parents think I should just wait a while and keep my phone a little longer (but I have a feeling that they still will be stubborn). I agree to this but is there any way to kind of convince them(when the time comes) for me to get one that doesn't sound needy or pushy? Sorry if this makes no senseSmile

 

Hey girlie! iPhones are expensive, so your parents might be waiting til your birthday or Christmas to splurge and get you one.  It also might have something to do with your cell phone contract- some companies make you pay massive fees if you switch cell phones before they give you the OK.  Talk to your parents and lay out the benefits of a cell phone- you can get rid of your iPod touch (donate it, give it to a younger sibling or cousin, sell it on ebay), you can keep your schedule on your phone, or whatever else you think the benefits are for an iPhone.  They still might say no, and if that's the case, you'll have to be okay with getting something else. There are other, less expensive smart phones out there and there are lots of cool options that aren't smart phones at all. Research a few that you like and they might be willing to get you one of those instead (and you can stand out from the crowd!).  xoxo   


Kate G.

by elisea625415 on 7/24/2012 4:45:15 PM

 
 

Want to be on the big screen one day? Ache to be a singer? Wish you could model? We're the club for you. Lights, Camera, Action gives you advice on the best ways for you to snatch that career and start living your dream. Who says dreams are only for our heads? This club will also help you out in sticky situations, boys, friends, and inner beauty. Join my club, Lights, Camera, Action!

by pretty123 on 7/24/2012 4:13:28 PM

 
 

I really want a Facebook, so i might use that Facebook one once i turn 13! (i don't like ther age) but thats is a couple of months so i can do without for now

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! Join my club: Operation: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Our mission is to post anonymous notes in public places for other people to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!! In my club, we will have daily quotes that you can put on post- its to uplift girls. We also give advice on how you can make your day better, and everyone else’s day better! So please join our uplifting club so we can tell everyone that we are beautiful the way we are!

by heather99 on 7/24/2012 3:23:43 PM

 
 

Thank you...been wanting to wear makeup...I know my mom says I can next year but shes still deciding what makeup I can wear.

by amileofroses on 7/24/2012 3:18:06 PM

 
 

This is great! Smile

by Acutiebookworm on 7/24/2012 2:58:25 PM

 
 


ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!


Are you a Cahill who dares be a member in the 39 clues? Which branch are you? Janus, Lucian, Tomas, Ekaterina, or the Madrigals like Dan and Amy? We will talk about EVERYTHING dealing with the books and debate topics! The fate of the world is in your hand! Are you ready to save the world from the evil Vespers? Join now before too late!

by Susmita24 on 7/24/2012 2:06:43 PM

 
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