Family
I really don’t like my parents. My dad hates me, my mom expects me to be perfect. I get all high A’s, do my chores everyday, sacrifice my social scene to be with my parents, the list goes on and on. But my little sister, however, is another story. No chores. All friends. Whenever she gets a C, which I think is horrible, my parents say to just try harder. I’ve tried talking to them multiple times, but each time they just say it’s a part of growing up. Help!
-Anonymous
Like my mom used to tell me when I was going through the terrible teens, “I may not like you all the time, but I will always love you all the time.” You probably feel the same way about your parents, and believe it or not, they more than likely feel the same way about you.
Are you really mad at your parents? Or are you a wee bit jealous of your lil’ sis? Maybe both? I understand you’ve tried talking to your parents about how you feel, but you may need to talk to them. They’re right—disagreeing with your parents is a part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean it has to hurt this much.
Respectfully let them know exactly how you feel. You could say, “Hey Mom and Dad, I know you love me, but sometimes I feel as though you favor my sister more, that you expect me to be perfect, but I’m not and I never will be. But I am trying to be the best daughter I can be.” Honesty is always the best policy and it will help them understand where you’re coming from.
If you really don’t want to discuss it again, then try writing a letter to express your feelings and then giving it to your parents. Trust me, honey, growing up is not easy and sometimes you may feel like you and your parents are from different planets, not the same family! It may also help to talk to someone not in your family, like a best friend or a school counselor. Your family cares a lot about you, and deep inside, you care a lot about them, too. A family meeting may help you all feel like an actual family again.
Lots of love,
L’Oreal
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BY ANDREA T. ON 10/11/2008 1:20:00 AM 56 COMMENTS
I'm a middle child but my mom is having another baby in December. I know should be excited about it but I'm not because I always get pushed to the side. My older sister is 16 and so her and my mom are always yelling that she does to much after school. My little sister is 4 and is really demanding and so she gets insane amounts of attention. But I'm stuck in the middle.
I always feel like I'm being put off and being told to wait until later about whatever. I've started hanging out in my room 24/7 and I'm always on the phone. I dress different than normal people (like kinda emoish) to get more attention. I always have to beg my mom to get some 1-on-1 time with her like going to the mall or something. I hate being in the middle and I
feel like it's only gunna get worse once i have another sister. Please help!!
~Paige
Being the monkey in the middle is def not fun. It sounds like you just want your mom to show you she cares and to pay some attention to ya. We all need mama's lovin'! I feel ya.
I honestly, can't imagine what it's like to be the middle child because I'm the oldest of two and I have a younger brother. But what I do know, is how you feel like there isn't much attention on you. I felt that a lot while growing up. Because my brother is the baby of the family, my parents totally treated me like I was grown up compared to him and although they didn't neglect me or anything like that, I felt like my brother was getting more of the attention and more visible lovin'!
I def understand it's really tough, but you really need to bring that thought from the back of your head to the front, babe. The thought being: "My parents love me and care for me just as much as they do my sisters!" I bet ya that your oldest sister probably feels this way too! Your parents are totally not doing this on purpose.
You are one of their three precious daughters and they will totally listen to what you have to say to them. Sit them down one evening after dinner when they aren't tied up taking care of things and with work. This is the best time, because you know they'll have semi-clear minds to listen to ya. Sincerely pour out what's been on your mind and heart. Be completely honest with them, but take caution not to point the finger and blame them!
Talking things out and being open with your parents will definitely help to clear what's been going on. Post-talk, your rents will begin to realize what's going on and will make the effort to show you their love and care, hun. Things will get better. Remember to always think positive!
<3, Sharon
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BY ANDREA T. ON 10/4/2008 8:55:00 AM 61 COMMENTS
I think my dad is playing favorites between me and my older sister, and I'm the favorite. Whenever my dad and I fight he days sorry at the he end and makes it up to me, but he hold a grudge against my sister. I think it's because I've never really had any friends and was teased a lot when I was younger, and my sister has always been ms. popular. He says that she acts just like his older sister (who lied a lot and was mean to him, which is like my sister). And know my sister doesn't like him either. I don't think he knows he's doing it, though. I feel bad, even though I don't like my sister either because she's always so mean. Should I feel bad?
-Ann
I know parents say they don’t have favorites, but I think that they have a special bond with each of their kids. I am most definitely my dad’s favorite kid. He and I have a lot in common and are just kindred spirits. Even though I know I am my dad’s favorite, he always gives preferential treatment to my sister because she has low self esteem and has a hard time making friends. No parent wants to see their children upset and they will do anything in their power to make things better. Usually the older siblings understand this and are capable of dealing with it because they are natural leaders.
Maybe your sister hasn’t reached the maturity level where she understands that because she is older, it’s expected that she can stand on her own and by more independent. That isn’t your fault and you shouldn’t take it upon yourself or feel guilty. Whatever issues she has with your father, SHE needs to work them out with him. As a younger sibling you might feel like you need to be a peace maker, but don’t worry about it. Your father love your sister and your sister loves your father, they just haven’t reached the point in their lives where they can see each other as adults and appreciate each other as companions.
XO,
JANA
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BY ANDREA T. ON 9/27/2008 8:32:00 AM 76 COMMENTS
My parents and I fight alot!! I get so mad cuz u know, at
home I’m more of a tough person, not a softie. So it’s hard for me to
show my feelings. I get so mad when they tell me to do sumthing and then
they take my stuff away.I can’t really control my anger with them
because they are so hard to talk to. What do I do!!??!?
~Soccer Punk!!~'
Hey Soccer Punk! Rioting with the ‘rents is definitely a tough
situation to deal with. One of my dad’s sayings is “my house, my
rules.” The same thing probably goes for you as well, and it sucks.
If you have a bunch of siblings, its always annoying when YOU are
the one always doing the dishes, or picking up the Play-Doh mess your
little brother made, while everyone hangs out. It’s obnoxious, but it
also comes with being part of a family.
I know it seems like parents just have no clue how nagging they are.
My mother and I didn’t get along until I left for college. We fought
all the time, it was impossible to have a normal conversation with her
because I could never see her as a friend. I always regret being such a
pain when she asked me to do simple chores that would make her day
easier.
If you think that they are being overly harsh, try talking to them
calmly. Don’t yell or act out, just say “ Sometimes I think you guys go
a little overboard with me and it really stresses me out.” You aren’t
being a softy by trying to talk to them. You’re actually being really
mature. Flipping out will only show your parents that you aren’t
capable of being treated like an adult and will set back your efforts
by weeks, months or even years!
If you have a hot-headed personality (like me) the best thing to do
is to just walk away for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths, think
of a way to voice your feelings without coming off as rude or
disrespectful, and then go back and try to talk to your parents. If you
do things more willingly around the house, you may find that your
parents will back off a little.
Even better: bring up the issue at a totally happy, stress-free,
unrelated time with one of your parents at a time. (Like a special
mom-daughter, or dad-daughter day.) Parents get stressed too! And since
they are human, that can impact the way they treat their kids in the
heat of the moment. So, you'll get extra points for having a mature
convo...without blaming...just explaining you'd like to get along
better, and asking them what you can do to help that happen. Chances
are, if you really listen, they'll be willing to listen to your ideas
too.
I didn’t want to hear it then, and you probably don’t want to hear
it now, but your family (no matter how annoying) is the most stable
relationship you will ever be in. And it does eventually get better.
Just make a conscious effort to do what’s asked without complaining and
things will lighten up. Hang in there!
XOXO,
Jana
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BY ANDREA T. ON 9/20/2008 8:46:00 AM 39 COMMENTS